Oga Landlord Episode 101
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OGA LANDLORD 21+
Subtitle: Fu-ck Fakers.
The man at the counter hissed and turned to face us, then we were standing very close to the counter.
Me: we wan see your manager.
Man at counter: open his eyes wide wait… wait.. am I dreaming?
Anderson: you wake na.
Man at corner: waaooohh! Honourable, my own Honourable. No vex, make we take Opera pics, I must blow.
He left the counter and came to where we were standing and started taking selfie with us, Anderson was enjoying the show but me I didn’t find it funny at all.
Man at the counter: make ona no vex, na only my family people dey follow me for Instagram. One last pic, I must blow.
Anderson: no wahala, I go even sign autograph for you.
The Nepa guy hurried inside the office and rushed out, another man stepped into the office from outside.
Man: I wan pay NEPA bill.
The NEPA guy returned with I-phone he took from a friend inside the office and we posed for more shots.
Man: no be you I dey talk to, Ude?
Man at the counter: chai… Honourable no vex oh, we never sweep office, my sweep am for you now.
Me: no worry, we go manage am.
Anderson: next time sweep am, I nodey like to step on sand.
Man: Ude, wetin be this nonsense na?
Me: no bother, carry us go show your Manager.
Man: Ude, na me you dey ignore.
Man at the counter: this poverty shut-up na, sas you don conflict the voice of riches talking to me with your poverty own. If them send you from my village tell them say you no see me, Honourable make I take ona inside as VIP wey ona be.
Man: Ude, your papa na poverty. Nonsense, I no go pay NEPA bill again.
Anderson: them go carry your wire go office.
We followed him while the man kept ranting on top of his voice, Ude stopped at the Manager’s door and asked us to knock. We did and a baritone voice asked us to come in, we went in and saw the Manager covering the last plate of three.
We exchanged pleasantries and Anderson informed him of who I am, maybe Anderson has discussed with him.
NEPA Manager: oga, you be good man. But wetin we go do if the Village no want light?
Me: me and Anderson exchange glance I no understand, why person go reject a whole light?
Anderson: I wonder.
NEPA Manager: some Village no wan see wire and pole, if you wan even dash them transformer for free them go say make you first pay tax first. And some Village chiefs no want make their communities get light, so wetin we go do about am?
Me: we go do operation separate Paul from Barnabas.
Anderson: my Honourable talk and do, don talk.
We talked about the finance needed and I asked him to get me updated on every move they will make, he claimed out of the Sixteen Villages is only Seven that doesn’t have light.
After the discussion we waka commot from em office and went out, the man and Ude wey dey quarrel before dey gist.
We entered my car and drove out.
Anderson: Honourable talk and do, scratching his head you go try raise the side mirrors.
Anderson: ehnn… I owe person money.
Me: you never ready to confess.
Anderson: I play one sure game, em remain only one match. I come borrow money to pay back this morning, carry one new babe for the area go Point and Kill joint.
Me: for another person money?
Anderson: I think say them go win oh, and their odd small die. Very small, em no go better for Benfica oh!
Me: no leave bet9ja hand oh!
Anderson: I nofit leave am oh, if I no get money where I go borrow apart from Bet9ja?
Me: until you sell your remaining boxer.
Anderson: I must blow with am, saving poor men from 90s.
I hissed and raised the side-mirrors up and turned to the dirt road, I saw two girls walking at our front through the widescreen. One was black while the other was fair, luckily isn’t rainy season yet if not this my car for hear am from this dirt road.
Anderson: Honourable, raise the side mirrors down. See my babe, chai.. see levels.
He adjusted his shirt and wore my watch I dropped in the car, I lower the side-mirror and slowed the car down, the borrow pose Anderson just dey smile upadan.
I horned at the girls and they stepped aside peering at our car.
Anderson: hello ladies.
The fair girl: Anderson, who dash you car?
Black girl: dash? who go even dash am car?
Anderson: I win am from MTN promo, this is just one of my cars. More is coming.
Fair girl: Anderson, sweetie.
Anderson: Charity, bitter leaf.
Black girl: you nodey forget something, ehnn?
Fair girl: I wonder, carry us drop for yard na. The sun too much.
Anderson: no even waste your time oh, you chop wetin I buy for you finish last night and you no gree follow me go house, now you wan enter car.
Fair girl: I no know say you get car na, I for follow you.
Black girl: yes na, she think say you be one of those broke boys wey dey this street.
Fair girl: no worry, just drop us for our yard. I go come your room later, give you plenty styles.
Anderson: scatter my head, na crocodile style I dey like oh! Hope say you sabi am?
Fair girl: sure na, I even sabi Monkey style.
Black girl: Anderson, who be the fine bobo wey dey drive the car?
Anderson: oh! he look at me and turn to them na my driver.
I be wan knock am for head when one hand from nowhere chuk hand inside the car grabbed Anderson collar, the person face surfaced with red-eyes.
Anderson: Bethel, take am easy na. You go kill person oh!
Bethel: spitting all over Anderson wey my money?
Anderson: ordinary 4k na you wan kill person, just change oh!
The two girls were just laughing at him, they both left afterwards leaving Anderson and the angry Bethel, with me. I just behave like say em no concern me..
Bethel: you dey call am ordinary? go thief ten naira na, whether them no go burn you alive.
Anderson: hiss you don happy? as you don chase away the compass I dey arrange.
Bethel: I even help you, that girl go milk your pocket and su-ck all your blood till you join your ancestors.
Anderson: Honourable, abeg.. help me give this angry man is hungry man 4k, I go pay you back.
I don change oh! if na before who for give am money? am on spending spree. My name must go everywhere, I counted the money.
Me: repeat after me Bethel, Honourable talk and do.
Bethel: Honourable talk and do!
Me: oya take.
I stretched my hand and gave him the money, while he and Anderson transact waka to each other as we drove on. I stopped at my yard and parked my car, I went in and got busy in sweeping my room and mopping the floor, a heavy knock landed on the door.
Me: na who be that?
Voice: oga landlord, is a combatant needing your permission to fall in.
Me: I no lock the door, Old Soldier.
He opened the door and stepped in, with his tattered soldier uniform and cap.
Old soldier: our base is under siege by pan-t and bra- army?
Me: which one be pa-nt and br-a army?
Old soldier: Rufu is the mole.
Me: I no understand.
Old soldier: as I report to you now, Oga Landlord. The faster and harder signal coming from the base, have chase away an old soldier who fought World war 1 and 2, and even fought the Biafra war.
Me: you mean Rufus dey?
Old soldier: exactly!
My phone rang…
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