Oga Landlord Oga Landlord Episode 31 – 40
Oga Landlord Episode 31
Me: I know say na joke you dey joke oh, because the mood wey I dey now. As I dey look you like this, you dey n_ked already.
Eni: you like fck like this, na you no come my dey give you am everyday, but… For now ehnn… I nodey in the mood.
Me: I dey laugh, anywhere you drop the mood you better go carry am, ’cause as I dey like this… Na to rapw you full my head.
Eni: em never reach that level na, you sef.. I go give you fck, so wetin you go give me?
Me: my d_ick start calming wetin you want my give you?
Eni: you know say our rent go expire next Month, I want make you add two Months later.
I jumped out of the bed like hungry tiger and carried her to the bed, I laid her on the bed. The way her bumshort commot for her waist shock her, I nofit wait to pull the shirt and bra… My dck don dey drive me crazy.
I tear the fcking pant and carry one of her leg mount on my shoulder, use my dck knock for her cli_t to open the door for me to enter. She started releasing love juice, and I love that.
I penetrated inside her w_et pu_ssy, and started hammering her like a tiger.
Me: ahhh! ahhh!! our skin making kpakpa sounds
Eni: landlo…ord ooohhh! you don kill me oh.
When I wanted to cu_m, I pulled out of her pu_ssy and c_ummed on her lips, she pushed me on the bed and I lay down, she pulled of her shirt and unclasped her bra.
Mounted me with cowgirl reversed style, slowly slowly she rocked my dck to life. The way her ass cheeks vibrate anytime she got to the base, I nofit help but they mo_an nonstop with her, the way she moves her pu_ssy walls was first class.
Me: Eni aaahhh! You have killi me oh! I ammmmm cummmmmmmiiinnngg… I mo_an out loud as the sweetness scatter my brain
Eni: assshhh! Ooohh!! cummmm inside me, aaahhh ahhh! bouncin faster
After few minutes we started another round, this time she faced me riding and her bo_bs were bouncing, I just grabbed the two sweet melons as she dey ride me like stallion.
We went on and on, I come dey wonder if we go ever stop. After the fifth rounds, I laid on the bed beside her tired and drained, Eni get mind come dey jerk my dck wey don stressed out.
She tried it but my dck don go recession, she come position her mouth for the tip to su_ck am.
Me: come wetin you wan do?
Eni: make we do another round na, I like the way you dey f–k me hard.
Me: my papa born only me, I no wan come out for television say I die on top woman.
I came down from the bed and she came down to, knelt on the sofa and positioned her yansh for doggystyle.
Me: you no hear wetin I dey talk, carry your things dey go oh… We start to f–k for 1pm, now em don knack 4pm… You still wan fck? No be me and you go do that one.
Eni: you want make we do am by force bah? You want make everybody come inside this room to come see say you dey fck another person wife.
I no even get strength to come dey argue with am, I ran enter my bathroom lock the door. I on shower start to dey sing, nothing wey I go tell hor_ny woman when she see d_ick in between my legs to leave me hand.
She started knocking and shouting, when she tire. She fine the road to her house waka go, I come open door to see one thousand naira I drop for my TV stand missing, I for go collect am back oh if no be say I dey avoid another round.
After I used the towel clean my body, I enter kitchen go park rice. I finished three plates of rice, come empty pot join. Se_x na big work oh, after I ate finished.. I came out of my room to go receive better air outside when I met Charity singing in verandah.
Charity: one day, as I was going… I hear landlord dey do aaahhhaaa eeehheemmm uhmm..
Me: this one you dey sing Chacha, who all is well? i position my chair sit down
Charity: how many rounds ona go sef?
Me: wetin be rounds sef, abeg leave me hand oh.. I no get strength to talk as I dey like this.
Charity: you and Calabar wife dey fck, I dey for your window dey watch as you dey use your hammer dey hamm…. I use my hand cover her mouth
Me: wetin be your problem, them download corrupt file for your head, what if person hear you.
Charity: I remove my hand from her mouth I go zip my mouth, if you show working.
Me: I no sabi work oh.
Charity: yard oh! make ona come out to come hear wetin I wan talk shouting
Me: take take! i give her 1k note
Charity: I no know say you be cheerful giver, the way you dey knack am ehnn.. I like am, continue.
Me: no come ask for more money, I no even get to give you.
My phone started ringing inside the house and I rushed inside the house to see Mikel number as the caller ID. I picked the call.
Mikel: guy, come now now…
Me: come where?
Mikel: come catch big fish.
Is this one alright? Ngwuanu did I tell this one that am a fisherman?
Oga Landlord Episode 32
Me: guy, the time I call you for morning, I no tell you say I wan become fisherman, wetin come bring this one na?
Mikel: laughing mad man, come meet rich and powerful ladies wey go better your life, I don send the address, ten minutes appear there.
He ended the call, thank God say I don baf oh. I quickly ran into the bathroom and took a sharp shower, ran out to rub my cream.
Use my most expensive perfume wey I dey only use on important occasion, come carry my best out fit knack. I was looking like flying, wore my most expensive shoe.
I waka come out, some of my tenants started hailing me, I dey in a hurry so I enter bike go look for a drop. I took a drop and entered, we drove to a very secluded area.
The guest house dey hidden.
I called Mikel when I got to the gate.
Me: Miko, guy where you dey na? I dey the gate of that place.
Mikel: wait… I dey come.
Some minutes later he came out of the gate laughing, hope say this guy no mean that fisherman something. If not, I go make sure say em drown for any sea em carry me go.
Me: why you come dey laugh? Hope say you never start to kolo.
Mikel: Viko! see the way you dress like person wey wan go see president, sha… Na governor wife you dey come see.
I no too take the governor wife he said seriously, I hardly even see her on television. I would not be able to recognize, we entered inside the gate and I know say the exterior of the guest house na scam, it was just used to deceive people.
The interior smelt money and riches, I could feel and smell money all over, when we entered the building, I know say the boundary betwixt the rich and poor is the height of earth to the sky.
We got into a big room where two rich women are sitted, they looked extremely rich and breathtaking. My feet was not stable again, the two women looked like people that don’t even know what is suffer or poverty, Mikel na tight guy oh. I know say em no go fck me up like Ugochukwu.
Mikel: here is my friend I told you about, my excellency.
The two women looked at us, they were sipping calmly from an expensive glass filled with champaign.
The woman he called excellency turned and examined me properly then a satisfactory grin appeared on the corner of her lips.
Woman1: Mikel, you don’t disappoint at all. he is handsome as I like them, hope he is big there?
Fear catch me first, I just dey return from se_x coma, thunder fire that Eni. Make I no fumble for this woman side oh.
Mikel: you can confirm it, yourself.
The other woman who have never said anything since we came in. Got up with the glass she held.
She simply said and walked away, he followed her and gave me thumbs up.
The other woman that Mikel introduced me to got up and signaled me to follow her.
We got to a room and she sat on a sofa in a large bedroom, the bed was executive and the room is top class.
Woman: call me Stella, Mikel told me about you..
Me: thank you madam Stella, hope he said good things.
Stella: yes, you want to go into politics, and you need help… Which position are you running for?
Me: make I dey reason small small, before the woman go suspect me councillor.
She started laughing, how the thing come funny, I no understand.
Stella: does that one need election, I will make you the representative of your people in the state house of assembly.
Me: wow… Thank God.
She brought out a cup and gave me to drink, I took the cup and looked inside. The content is very dark, mere looking at I can throw up sef.
Stella: drink up! she command me
As a good boy with ambition, I drained the cup.
Stella: good boy, what you just took. The moment you open your mouth to tell anyone you have slept with me or about here, you will die.
Fear hold me first, my belle come dey do me somehow to throw up.
Stella: you are now my boy, now strip and dance for me.
She brought out her phone and I spotted the flashlight on, wait wait… This woman wan turn me to se_x toy or stripper.
Naso to win election harsh for Nigeria, sugar boys dey try if na wetin them dey do.. To video me n_ked dancing
Oga Landlord Episode 33
Madam Stella: nobody will see the video, c’mon! start stripping, I don’t have time she order smiling
I no come understand how I was intimidate by a mere woman, I already signed for it the choice of going back is like being more stupid for coming.
Slowly slowly I removed my clothe and that lustful hungry look appeared on her face, the one a lady has whenever she wants to devour you.
Madam Stella: nice six packs, c’mon hurry up with the trouser she order with irritation
My hands fastened on the belt and I unbuckled it, pulled it down before her. My d_ck was just relaxing in my boxer.
Madam Stella: c’mon remove that trash on your waist she chuckle with air of authority
I seem to be working like robot, I pulled down my boxer and my d_ick length come into view, she was shocked at my black mamba. It is thick long, about 8inches with lots of veins making it to stand like an assassin.
Madam Stella: you got a big dck baby to worship, now shake and wiggle your sleeping co_ck boy!
The way she orders and wanted to control me turns me on, it was a dark part of me I was oblivious of, money don dey control me like suckling.
She was watching at me as my dck rose slowly slowly and she wore a satisfactory grin on her beautiful rounded face, she pulled of her gown and remained only on a very expensive pan_t and bra_. That is like gold or something like.
Madam Stella: now turn and shake that ass for me! start naughty boy!!
The dehumanizing treatment has started getting into me, I turned and started shaking my strong butts the way I can… I heard her roar in laughter and I turned sharply.
She unclasp her bra and full rounded flawless twins popped out with thick ni_pples, her bre_asts looks so sweet and alluring.
Madam Stella: come here! crawl to mama and pull off her pant with your teeth, now! she snap with anger flashing in her eyes
She knows the act of manipulation very well and knows how to use it to make her lordship know, I quickly crawled on the marbled floor on four. She nodded approvingly as I got to her legs, she lifted my chin up.
Madam Stella: call me master! she sneer at me
Me: I become scared master!
Madam Stella: now, do what I ask you, my slave! she thunder
I knelt before her and crunched her pan_t line with my teeth, I started pulling it down slowly.
Madam Stella: yes, you are such a good slave that makes his master to be a ho_rny bitc_h she mouthed those words
I pulled it down her waist regardless of her big a_ss giving me hard time, she crutched the back of my head and pulled it back to her unclad neatly shaved pu_ssy.
Madam: now, lick me up like dog! she order her eyes close
I did exactly what she wanted and satisfactory mo_ans escaped occasional “ohhs” and “ahhs”
My har_d d_ick was raging as it stood like pole in betwixt my legs without obstacle, I pulled down her pa_nt and to her toes. She stepped out of it and walked to a long bench that has a soft foam on but covered with a clean and sparking white bedsheet, she lay on it and I automatically know wetin she want. A message when my d_ick dey pepper like say if I no chuk am there I go give.
Madam Stella: come here! Slave.
My feet scampered on their own wills and I got over the table pouring amount of oil on her back, I got to work messaging her back slowly and moulding her flesh softly, she turned and I did the same thing. She allowed me to touch and message her bre_asts and pu_ssy, I was turned on and I wanted to suckl_e her bre_asts.
One slap landed on my face.
Madam Stella: slaves only what their master desired, now jer_k on me. I will feel hot c_um on my body and mouth.
Her order came as relieve to me as I started running my palm up and down, deep throaty mo_ans escaped my mouth.
Madam Stella: cu_m for mommy, she wants to lick your c_um, now pour those sticky ho_t c_um on me, now! busy messaging my balls and looking at me like horn_y bi_tch
Me: ahhh! Aaahhh!
I felt my raging dck about to burst, she opened her mouth and the first loop of c_um landing in her mouth. It was pouring zigzag landing on her bare bre_asts and parts of her face. After the huge release, I exhaled with relief.
Madam Stella: now, come and kiss mama.
I was skeptical about it, but she urged me on and I landed my lips on her’s. She dragged me by the neck and lowered my face vomiting all my c_um from her mouth to mine.
I nearly ran mad as I have my own c_um in my mouth, I ran into the bathroom and rinsed my mouth. Also bath to end the madness, as I dey come out na to wear my clothes bounce.
I came out to she her resting in same position, she threw a cheque to me. I quickly picked it up with surprise, I saw one hundred thousand naira and marvelled.
Madam Stella: get out!! she yell with fire in her eyes
I quickly wore my clothe and got lost from the room, na the same time mikel too come out dey happy, I complain to Mikel.
Mikel: guy, na your first time no reason am, na the money and power you dey do am for. Look to the brighter side.
I come dey wonder if any bright side dey the path I dey walk on.
I got to the yard late in the night, immediately I settled pulling my clothes, a knock landed on my door.
Me: who be that na?
Voice: na me, Akpan!
Fear hold me like say no tomorrow, I asked him to enter and he did, wearing a smirk face.
Akpan: oga landlord, you enjoy my wife bah!?
Em come be like say electric wire fall enter my body, I was shocked like say no tomorrow.
Oga Landlord Episode 34
I knew he had got along with this news, what I didn’t know is how and from who. I wanted to confuse my enemy, I started laughing like a mad man and fell on my bed rolling and laughing so hard that tears nearly dropped from my eyes.
Me: enjoy your wife? hahahas how I go enjoy your wife? she be jollof rice or na fried rice you marry as wife wey I go enjoy am?
Akpan: seem confuse m..y my… he smile knowingly you know say I get big love for you, you don help me sotay I come dey wonder whether you be my brother, you even give me three Months grace when I no get money to pay.
Me: all these your tory na true, I no understand why you come dey tell me all these things?
Akpan: em get one man wey marry for my village, him and wife come go city, three years later the woman die my eyes bulge you know wetin kill am?
Me: I shrug iffa know wetin kill am I for nodey listen to the story, Calabar.
Akpan: he clears his throat the woman dey knack with the gate man ’cause her husband get pim pim but the gateman get ogbogidi in between his legs, as them dey knack gateman die and wife die, na later the man come go find out why them dey die… em come know say em wife dey cheat on am, for our village any married woman wey sleep with man apart from her husband. The man go die before seven days if em no go do cleansing.
Me: fear hold me hahahahas… This your story go go well for nollywood oh! if you package go give them, the drama go win an award.
Akpan: I don tell you wetin bring me, I wan go eat my wife don prepare my favorite.
He got up and left my room, immediately everything started spinning my room walls started coming together to squeeze life out me, my palms became sweaty and I felt it shaking.
Beads of sweats started forming on my forehead, I felt feverish all of a sudden.
Me: hope say this guy die lie oh, chiaa… I too young to die.
I no come dey think straight again as I start to think zigzag, I come dey wonder if na that particular day I go die or another day, I carried a chair to the frontage and sat on the verandah to think out a way from the mess wey I go put myself.
Before Kelly waka come with em wahala, the guy like bet9ja pass em life, I even hear say em dey sell shirt wey em don buy from market, second hand.
Kelly: youngest landlord, over conscious landlord, man wey sabi the thing. See business dey ground, as I dey tell you like this, them don write our name as millionaires for heaven.
Me: i come look am first, even wear one short wey don tear you sure say heaven never start to make mistake, which business wey you wan do wey go make you millionaires.
Kelly: you know say my grandmother na tight chief priestess, she dey even turn goat to money, dey turn human being to goat. Anybody wey hear my family name them go run, you know Dangote? i nod na my mama make am rich like that.
Me: that one make me open my mouth wait… Wait… Calm down, your granny fit do all these things na ona poor even to feed na wahala?
Kelly: na now you come… Good question, my mama and papa no gree continue the legacy, my grandmother come see say we don too suffer, as I dey waka for road she appear give me this paper?
I took the piece paper he stretched to me, I come dey see Juventus over 2.5, manchester to win, Barcelona 1|1.
Me: iffa hear you well, you tell me say your mother na chief priestess.. You know tell me say she dey coach or na footballer.
Kelly: good question, you see that man friend Fred win 5million last Month. naso my grandmother gather all these sure games from her grave come give me.
He was explaining when we saw Tony approaching with speed, that guy suppose to be crown chief trekker. Em dey commot for early mormor waka round PH come house, any place you no know ask Engineer Tony.
Kelly: hiaa! Toyechukuw, no tell me say you trek from Agip come here oh.
Tony: do I look like your wretched father, well… If you need money to better your life or use for transportation ask nicely and I will give it to you.
Kelly: engineer Tony! I need oh!! na God bring you, see sure game. Just help my life with one thousand naira.
Tony dropped the bag he hung on his shoulder, I think say em wan bring out money. The guy bring out cheque book, na wa oh! for one thousand naira too?
I carry my chair and myself enter room before Kelly go start to beg me, he later knocked sha… But i no answer, the next morning I wake early to reason my life.
I started and my family picture, my papa and mama with me for the portrait.
I carry come down come dey reason my life.
Me: when person hustle don ready like pot of egusi soup, devil go put too many pepper. Man don hustle too feed, person p—k godey hustle pass am to chop the money. why everything for this country harsh? na so person godey jump from fire to boil palm oil…
Suddenly two people pounced on my door say them dey knock.
Me: wetin happen again?
I heard loud voices behind the door, person nofit get peace for em own yard.
Oga Landlord Episode 35
When their two started quarreling non-stop ignoring my voice, I knew from their voice it must be Mama Veronica and Cindy’s mom, the two women will not stop quarreling over everything.
I stopped hearing shout behind the door and a proper knock followed.
Voice: oga Landlord oh!
Me: em nodey house, when em come back ona come.
Is like the person was processing the information like computer.
Voice2: oga landlord, since wey I come this yard I never get peace. Mama Veronica no go gree my rest.
Thankfully they brought the light, I switched on a song and raised it to the highest, the women should consider fighting instead bringing the roofs down with their shout.
Madam Stella called later while I was about going to brush my teeth, I got to my phone and answered the phone call.
Me: hello, good morning madam Stella.
Madam Stella: I want to see you right away, I will send you the address for you to come meet me. Don’t keep me waiting.
The call ended immediately and my phone beeped afterwards indicating a message has entered, the last time someone sent me such message for meet-up. I was beaten mercilessly be a soldier man, I grew cold feet even when I walked to the gutter to brush my teeth.
I saw Samuel by the gutter side looking at the water flowing, I paused and watch him. Is this guy alright?
Me: you wan swim?
Samuel: yes oh!
He didn’t get what I was insinuating until when I nod my head towards the water in the gutter.
Samuel: God forbid! I see snail inside the gutter.
Me: you wan go catch the snail inside the gutter?
Samuel: he become confuse wetin be all these jamb questions this kind Jesus morning?
I ignored him and started brushing my teeth humming Able God, when I was done I went inside the yard and prepared to meet Madam Stella.
I was surprised the address Madam Stella gave me was five-star hotel, I was wondering if the woman has gone mad. I made a decision that I will never engage in anything that will involve se_x in this place, presidential hotel in that matter. No be me and ona oh!
I entered the hotel and located the floor she asked me to come, I met her and a man sitting on different sofa. I greeted both of them.
Stella: my chairman, this is the person I have been telling you about.
The man looks like the ruling party chairman, when Stella called him Chairman. Definitely he is the one.
Chairman: laughing this one fit jack ballot box?
I didn’t want to say anything, politicians hate confrontation, you will always say yes even to their shit so that you can get whatever you want.
Stella: you can go, Vic.
I got up and bade them farewell, I could hear the man’s non stop laugh. He was telling Stella that I will be a tool to her if she can convince her husband to support me, my tell am who I be? mba! I no be mumu.
I called Ugochukwu while I was going home and he picked.
Ugochukwu: you dey police cell? you don rape person wife or you don finally kill yourself?
Me: wetin produce all these questions?
Ugochukwu: you dey always call me when trouble dey your door, see you see trouble.. Ona two dey hold hands dey waka for this life.
Me: thank God you know, this one na small wahala. I just enter small trouble, drive come my yard.
I was grateful that he didn’t prolong the issue, I enter yard come dey fine Akpan and em wife.
Thank God their two wan start to dey go shop when I meet them.
Akpan: youngest landlord, good morning.
Me: I don ready, make we go do the cleansing wey you talk.
Akpan: cleansing? both of them look confuse and suddenly he start smiling me and my wife dey come.
I nodded and went to the frontage, that is when Ugochukwu arrived and we shook hands.
Akpan and his wife later joined us, they were so happy discussing in the back seat.
When we got to Calabar it was already late, about five pm. We arrived at a compound with a block house, the woman that came out looks like Akpan, probably his mom. They welcomed us warmly like they were expecting us, everything is like a plan.
While we were settled in the sitting room, I brought the matter that took us to Calabar.
Me: addressing the Akpan’s father papa, I really make mistake. I don come to do the necessary task, as your son don already tell you.
Akpan’s father: clears his voice the ritual carry plenty money my son I frown first cow godey involve.
Me: I scream cow!!!
The man nod, ona wan use me do happy christmas bah?
Oga Landlord Episode 36
I frown first, the way the man dey rub in palms dey lick em lips dey strange.
Akpan’s father: my son, no be only cow, we go buy goat too.
Me: goat! I scream
I never even gree for the cow, all these rituals na for cleansing for just river, he nodded.
Me: all these cow and goat, who go chop am?
Akpan: no body oh, we go throw them enter the river.
Ugochukwu: the river go come swallow everything? that kind river still dey Nigeria?
Akpan’s father: yes, and na night we go carry out the ritual… Ehnn… We go need white wrappers like two.
Me: all these things you mention no get list, instead of to dey mention them one after the other.
Akpan’s father: clear his throught, carry one long paper give me see am there, we go buy everything.
My eyes for don run commot from their sockets, total na one million naira for common cleansing ritual.
Me: who go come chop these three bags of rice?
Akpan: na the priestess go chop am to revert the curse.
Akpan’s father: you nofit compare one million to your life my son.
I shake my head, I fit compare that amount em dey mention to my life. If you point me gun ask me one million naira or my life, na that one millionaire i go pick. Even though I go spend am for land of death.
Me: my go withdraw the money, so that we go get the requirements, ehnn… Ugochukwu, you godey here.
Akpan’s father: Akpan…
Akpan: yes, papa..
Akpan’s father: go with our friends from the city.
The man don hear money dey hammer queen’s English, criminal!
Me: make em no bother, I go go withdraw come back today.
I stood up and left the sitting, Eni and Akpan’s mother has gone to the kitchen to prepare food for us. I left Ugochukwu in Akpan’s father sitting room.
I folded the list and walked under the sun like someone who doesn’t know were he is heading to, I get money wey pass that amount for my account. As a capitalist, I nofit waste am for this kind thing na.
A thought entered my head to ask someone about this culture, I wanted to enter a house by the road side, when I suspected that a n_ked small boy has been trailing me.
Small boy: me?
I nodded and he came, I knew they sent him to make sure I didn’t talk to anybody.
Me: I give him one hundred naira take this one go buy biscuit.
Small boy: I never get this kind plenty money for my life, thank you brother.
He ran off like a n_ked mad man, while I entered inside the compound fenced with flowers.
It was a mud house, and luckily a woman was pounding fufu be side her kitchen when I met her.
While her daughter was carrying a baby behind her, the baby was crying. Thank God I have biscuit in my pocket.
Me: don’t cry, iyaa! i give him the biscuit and seal his big mouth.
Woman: oga no vex oh, na who you dey fine? _thick Calabar accent
My mind come dey tell me say what if the woman dey amongst those people wey dey plan with Akpan’s family, I come use my number 6.
Me: em get one girl I see when I dey waka pass here, I no know whether na your daughter.
Woman: no, em no go fit be my daughter, see the only daughter I get she point the girl backing the child
Me: madam, thank you… Collect this one buy something for the family I give her five thousand naira
Woman: oga….! make God bless you, your enemies no go see you.
I nod and bade them goodbye, as I was walking out of the compound. I pretended to forget something and turned back.
Me: madam, em get wetin happen to my friend. Em marry wife from this village, the wife and one man come dey sleep with each other… the woman and the man die, naso em dey happen?
Woman: na their time to die, since when I dey this village. That kind thing never happen, even our culture nothing like that.
The woman just saved me, I for my way to Port – Harcourt, I took bike and got lost from the village and boarded a bus to Port- Harcourt. I called Ugochukwu while I was in the bus heading to Port Harcourt.
Me: guy, you still dey there… shift small from those thieves.
Ugochukwu: some minutes later I don commot, wetin be the matter again?
Me: those people them be thieves, nothing like that dey happen for their culture,them dey fine way to collect money.
Ugochukwu: you for tell me since na you come say my stay here, where you dey now?
Me: I dey on my way to PH, tell them say you dey go meet me for where I go buy the things.
Ugochukwu: I go do wetin you talk.
Immediately I got to Port- Harcourt, my stomach started behaving funny. I took another bus to the area I am living, my stomach come full like say shit wan fall out.
I enter one bike wey dey jump upadan, the shit threatened to fall. But I still hold am sotay I reach yard, I jumped down from the bike tear race enter inside yard.
Okadaman: shouting oga you never pay me!
I searched my pocket fast fast, see one hundred naira throw give am. I saw Samuel sitting on the passage floor lamenting.
I searched my pockets fast fast for my room keys.
Samuel: I tell my wife to born girl, where i wan come get the extra ten thousand naira to pay doctor!
I quickly remembered that I forgot my key in Ugochukwu’s car, I rushed go the public toilet. All was locked apart from one unlocked, but someone was singing inside.
Voice: I saw Michael Jackson in the toilet, he was drinking garri.
Me: slamming the door who dey inside? open oh!
Voice: still singing I saw Michael Jackson, in the toilet. He was drinking.
Which kind mad person wey enter market newly be this?
Oga Landlord Episode 37
Me: open this door! I continue banging at the door
Voice: I saw Michael Jackson in the toilet, he was drinking garri.
The thing threatened to drop in my brief, there was locked toilet next door, I quickly jumped up and held the top.
I struggled very hard and used my right leg to throw above and finally I sat on the top.
I saw the idiot singing with soap in his eyes dancing, I thought of what to do to him but the nature call didn’t allow me to think straight.
I jumped down and loose my belt quickly, and pulled down the trouser with my brief in a flash and eased myself on the WC.
I saw a hand dropped the bowl he was using to bath on top of the demarcation wall, I quickly got hold of it and continued doing my thing.
Voice: who thief my bowl!?
I no talk, he continued screaming on top of his voice and later stopped and continued singing again, madness get pedigree oh!
he later finished bathing and left whistling, some people fit use bathroom release back to back album.
I switched on the tap and flushed what I dropped in that place, I washed my bum bum. I was about putting back my trouser to my waist when someone unlocked the toilet with towel tied around her. It was Lucy, short and small… She looked very innocent.
She wore a naughty smile and closed the door behind her and winked at me.
Lucy: oga landlord, wetin you dey do for inside ladies bathroom? the thing dey hungry you?
Me: I put back my boxer which thing be that? nothing dey hungry me… I just come shit.
She pulled her towel and turned then hanged it on the door, why short girls dey get big breasts and big yansh… All their heights run go enter their front and back.
Me: wetin you dey do? why you dey n_ked before me? you want make your mother come kill me?
Lucy: you no be small pikin na, I like wetin you carry there… I wan taste am.
She came for kiss and I quickly reciprocated, I grabbed her bumbum while we were kissing fast. She pulled down my brief and it heaped on my kneel, I penetrated two fingers inside her pu_ssy.
Lucy: asshhh! ooohhh! Yes!! finger me she moa_n lowly
I grabbed and squeezed her left bre_asts roughly, placed my mouth on the left bre_asts and started su_cking it.
She grabbed my hard dck and started jer_king my hard dck slowly.
She turned and placed her both palms on the wall and pushed back her a_ss backward, I separated her ass cheeks and spitted on my palm, I rubbed her opening and penetrated inside her we_t pu_ssy and started fcking her.
Lucy: asshhh! ooohhh! harder… am feeling you… aaahhhh!!
Me: aahh! ahhh!!
I grabbed her bre_asts from behind and squeezed roughly, I pinched the ni_pples and she moa_ned loudly.
Voice: wetin dey happen for that place?
I stopped ba_nging her, both of us were quiet.
Lucy: wetin concern you ehnn? busy body.
Voice: na wetin you dey do for this yard, I dey go tell your mother.
We heard the foot-falls going away, I pulled out and wore my trouser quickly.
Lucy: the thing still dey hungry me na, my mama no go do anything.
Me: no be me and you oh.
I opened the bathroom door and headed out of the hallway, I saw Joe with Mama Lucy coming towards the rest room side.
Mama Lucy: hiiaaa! Oga landlord, wetin you dey do for bathroom?
Joe: ask am oh!
Me: my friend don come?
They shrugged and I quickly headed to my room, luckily I saw Ugochukwu sitting inside the house.
Me: guy, when you come?
Ugochukwu: just now, why you dey sweat like goat?
My phone started ringing and I picked the call, I didn’t see the caller ID.
Me: hello, who be this?
Madam Stella: what do you mean? come over here immediately.
I removed the phone from my ear and saw the phone’s screen it was Stella.
Me: am coming…
The call ended and I clicked the message, I saw the address sent to me from Madam Stella. the governor’s wife.
Me: guy, I dey come…
Ugochukwu: where you think say you dey go?
Me: when you wan go, close the door and put the keys under foot mat.
I quickly ran out entered bike and zoomed off, I wasn’t satisfied with the s_ex with Lucy… Maybe Madam Stella go make me cu_m.
I was surprised to see lots of bikes and cars in the place the address led me to, I brought out my phone and curbed the address again, it was a large hall.
I entered and saw lots of men and some women well sitted, while Madam Stella stood at the podium.
She signaled me to climb the podium.
Stella: meet the excos and women leaders, with youth leaders in your district.
I don blow oh! I be celebrity now, hope you have my number?
Start begging now oh… Before i changed my mind lol.
Oga Landlord Episode 38
After she introduced me they all start clapping and cheering me “honourable” with their teeth, they were forty people and from explanation they are the people who can vote for the party coming primary two Months later.
I sighted my wicked uncle also cheering and clapping, even though is not from his heart the thing sweet me like toto.
Madam Stella brought out the form that will enable me contest for the upcoming primary, pressmen and women were present capturing the moment. I no hide any teeth, o gini… Stop looking at me like that.
After the grand welcoming, I mounted the podium to speak.
Me: when the righteous enter government!
Voices: the people jolly.
Voices: unity is our motto.
Me: if that unity nodey?
Voices: no power.
I came down from the podium and Madam Stella climbed the podium and gave a fine sugarcoated long speech, the woman sabi lie oh… Them no believe am sha… Some are wondering how I got the governor’s wife on my side and which money will I even give them if am running for the primaries, them no happy at all.
I no send, after the fine meeting, I followed Madam Stella while her securities shared money to the excos for transport.
I walked her to her car.
Madam Stella: boy..!
Me: yes, ma.
Madam Stella: a smile plays on her lips you are up for a strong challenge, do you know Mr. Okoye?
We no know that stingy chairman, that appoint councilors like family business. He is the chairman for eight years now, and all the bad boys are in his beck and call.
Me: I sabi that man.
Madam Stella: is the man you are up against my mind fly
Me: issa lie I no wan die young
Madam Stella: no fear, I go rig the primary with stakeholders.
Me: thank you, ma.
Those state excos can give me hope for winning the primary, but I no popular na.
I entered house hoping say Ugochukwu godey around, so that we go put head together.
I entered my room and saw the idiot eating, the four legs of chickens I kept in my fridge were already fried and a plate of fried rice on the table with juice.
Me: guy, which kind of crime you dey commit like this?
Ugochukwu: licking his fingers which court charge eating as crime?
Me: I no get your time, see I be the next assembly member of my constituency.
I kept the forms on the bed and he immediately dropped the chicken back on the plate.
Ugochukwu: laughing like ewu guy! I think say your madness dey for local level, I no know say you don enter international.
Me: I dey serious, first lady dey back me up and am up against Okoye.
Ugochukwu: he start hailing me my tight G, I go be your Chief of staff.
Me: shebi your ears na fancy? I dey against wicked Okoye, that useless chairman.
Ugochukwu: ehnn.. Ehnn… No dull yourself oh, capacity lady dey your back… We go tidy everything with money? how much you don keep for this election.
Me: I whisper twenty million.
Ugochukwu: Jesus!! screaming which bank you rob?
Me: I even get pass that place, na my savings I tell you like this. I no want make my enemies know say I be rich man.
Ugochukwu: grinning what if I be one of them?
Me: no be holy ghost fire go kill you, na rat chop.
We dialogue on few logistics to put in place, luckily I got the forty excos addresses and numbers.
I wanted to call for meeting immediately am done with screening tomorrow, Ugochukwu stayed over that day… In the evening a knock landed on my door while we were watching a movie.
Me: who be that?
Anderson: youngest landlord na me… ehnn.. Felicia don come invite the yard for her wedding tomorrow.
Me: my wear clothes, I dey come….
I came out and saw the crates of drinks and biscuits kept in the centre of everyone, I saw Felicia beaming. Make the wedding no get k-leg oh, before somebody go commit suicide.
I sat beside Anderson, he already prepared a seat for me.
Anderson: youngest landlord, my yarn? I nod, and he clears his throat Felicia here get one important to tell us before we go jump enter item 7.
Felicia: ona don already know, my traditional wedding na tomorrow… And I dey invite all of ona, if you no get gifts no come oh…
Voices: gifts kwa? how plates them go give us? her husband go poor oh!
Anderson: ona don hear am from the talking horse mouth.
Me: I get up ehnn… I wan give ona good news, I dey contest for house assembly.
Voices: shouting and scream honourable! I go be your P.A, I go be your Chief security, I go be your secretary.
Them even mention all the appointments position, even ones I no know sef.
Collect my number now oh before I go change mind, ’cause I be celebrity.
Oga Landlord Episode 39
Na God enabled me escape from them that day, my name was automatically transformed from Oga Landlord to honourable.
Wetin money nofit do.
Ugochukwu: who and you do smackdown, this one you are sweating?
Me: na all these my tenants oh, na escape I escape if not. By now I for don die oh!
Ugochukwu: you don dey talk about die now? when the real death na a Month away.
Me: I no understand, come.. come… wetin you mean by real death, hope is not what am thinking oh!
Ugochukwu: hope say you nodey think say na me go kill you, when assassin Okoye dey wait for you.
Me: forget that thing, when we reach that bridge we go cross am.
I took my towel and took a nice bath, we started watching movie contemplating on what to eat that evening, cooking wasn’t an option me. ‘Cause I no even get strength to boil garri water sef, but if you bring am I get strength to eat. And Ugochukwu was so engrossed with the movie he is watching.
Me: guy! we no go eat today again? time don dey enter seven p.m oh!
Ugochukwu: I go eat na, you dey on fast?
Me: wetin you wan come eat when you no cook? or you don dey chop raw meats.
Ugochukwu: oh! oh!! I resemble your chef? you better enter that kitchen cook soup oh, I be visitor.
Me: for which legal paper wey them write say visitors nodey cook?
My stomach started aching funny, like the worms are singing national anthem to arise for food or hunger reaction, I was so vexed when a knock landed on the door.
Me: I shout angrily na who be that?
Voice: no vex, na me honourable?
Me: who you be na the question, your papa skip to give you name.
Voice: my mother say make I give you this plate of goat meats pepper soup.
Me: forget about your name, enter biko… The door is not locked.
She entered wearing bumshort and singlet, she didn’t wear bra because her perky ni-pples were pushing on the soft fabric making the shape of her rounded bre_asts obvious.
Faith: smiling honourable good evening. she drop the plate of the table
Me: fine evening Ugochukwu start looking at her like she be the plate of the pepper soup
Ugochukwu: ehnnn… girl you are so beautiful, are you an angel with name?
Me: Faith, your mama dey call you. Come and be going.
She was hesitant but finally accepted when I threatened her.
Ugochukwu: which kind bad market you be na?
Me: I send you message you no gree go.
We were still on the pepper soup when another knock landed, it was fried rice and meats. We collect that one devour too, another one come again garri and egusi soup. Before one person come carry em bad belle come with beans and ripe plantain, we chase am go back.
Before I sleep that name, my belle big pass the normal size, I nofit even turn place am for bed.
We slept up with heavy stomachs.
Voice: harsh voice hey hey!
I opened my eyes slowly slowly taking in vision, I saw a masked man pointing a gun at my face with his finger placed in the middle of his mouth. I be wan shout sha…
Me: sir, sir… Please… Don’t kill me.
Mask man: are you a honourable or not?
I wake up on the floor with throbbing pains while Ugochukwu sat on the bed staring at me.
Ugochukwu: you never even do the screening, political madness don attack you for sleep.
Me: the room was looking bright day don break?
Ugochukwu: no, God on generator for night.
Oga Landlord Episode 40
Me: I look around the room and sigh heavily wetin be today date?
Ugochukwu: you sure say you no jam trailer of madness for your dream, go baf… Today na your screening.
Me: oh! I start scratching my head guy, em get one dream wey I dream for this night.
Ugochukwu: na the dream make you shout like mad woman fly commot from bed?
Me: I nod the person ask me if I be honourable, I deny am because of say em hold gun.
Ugochukwu started laughing, I wonder wetin make the talk funny.
I got up from the floor and stretched, I wasn’t myself during the morning preparation to head to the screening exercise.
I was feeling off that morning, after we are done Ugochukwu and I headed to INEC office, if I was contesting for Governor, House of Representative, or Senate. I would have gone to Abuja for the screening.
I slipped my files over to the man in the pigeon-hole, he started flipping my papers.
Voice: na your paper at all be this?
Me: check am well.
Voice: show me your face.
I bent and peeped through the hole, he cleared his throat.
Voice: this your NYSC certificate date nodey correct.
I brought out ten thousand naira from my pocket and dropped on the counter, his hand quickly appeared on the counter and took the money.
Voice: you are cleared! Honourable oh!
He issued me screening eligibility form and returned my certificate, my head lit with fear. Naso trailer of confidence jam me, I come dey waka for air.
Ugochukwu: you be tight politician, sas you silence that man.
Me: you never see anything watch my next move.
I called Fatty and mama Genesis for them to arrange buffet, I sent an address of the hall we used the other time when Stella called me. She promised me that I can carry out political meetings there anytime I want.
Ugochukwu and I headed to the bank and withdrawed four million naira, money speaks louder than any sound.
The manager helped us to make the massive withdrawal after tipping him, I started texting those excos and women leaders to come over to the hall for another meeting, we arrived at the compound of the hall and Ugochukwu parked very close to the hall and we came down.
Immediately I entered the hall.
Voices: honourable! capacity!! na you go go.
I looked up at the podium and saw buffets arrange, no wonder… Food na their inspiration.
I gave thumbs up to Fatty and mama Genesis, I go pay them sharp sharp. Those women dey deliver, I climbed the podium and started inspecting what they did, it was wowable.
Me: if food nodey belle, talk no go sweet… Make ona serve ona self, eat as you want.
They were about thirty, my uncle no come. I go make them regret why them no come today, I signaled Fatty and Mama Genesis to follow me.
Ugochukwu had loaded the money properly inside a safe room.
Me: ona try well well…
Fatty: na because of you I do am for credit oh.
Me: I know na.
Mama Genesis: I fit get my money, I wan go house. My husband don start to call me.
Me: my bring the money.
I took money from the safe room and gave to them, while Ugochuwkwu and I busied ourselves arranging the money into buddles of one hundred thousand naira.
After we are done, we carried the ghana must go to the hall.
Come see food box everywhere, some even have all types of bags parking food. People parents wan kill themselves on top food, I nofit laugh.
Some even fall on top food like say food no godey again, see wahala… one man was chewing chicken like say no chicken godey again. Immediately they saw me, they started hailing me.
Voices: our honourable! man wey sabi! talk and do! action man!!
I like that talk and do, the honourable no go do me again. “Honourable talk and do” this one make brains.
I climbed the podium with Ugochukwu.
Me: I be honourable talk and do, everybody wey dey this roof go carry 100k go house.
Voices: mad jubilation honourable talk and do! shouting na you go go!
Me: make ona come pick one one bundle each from this bag, go and make me popular.
See the way them rush come, I feared for my life. I first asked them to come one after the other, them still dey drag who go be first as if the money go soon get leg, I kicked away the idea of leaving and shared the money.
When we are do I realized that some of them have decided to vote me for the position, they were now placing their faiths in me. I was relieved of being a total failure, we entered the car and zoomed off.
Ugochukwu: you get all these political sense na you dey delay?
Me: na God oh, na suffer make me open eyes.
Three cars sped past us and blocked the tarred road, soldiers started coming out with guns and koboko.
Me: na wetin dey happen? you thief soldier man car?
Ugochukwu: hiss you dey joke when something serious dey happen.
Few soldiers came to our car side and dragged us out of the car, that is when the chairman came down from his car. See pepper soup, Mr. Okoye the man am contesting against, I tell Ugochukwu oh!
One of the soldier man with koboko approached us.
Soldier man: lie down! lie down!!
Before em even say down I dey down already dey vibrate and recite my last prayer.
Mr. Okoye: who dey contest for honourable among ona two?
I pointed at Ugochukwu and he also pointed at me with his finger.
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