Story Oga Landlord Episode 41 – 44
PREV: Story: Oga Landlord Episode 31 – 40
Oga Landlord Episode 41
He shot in the air and my bladder downloaded two bottles of water, I felt like peeing immediately.
Mr. Okoye: I repeat, who among ona two wan drag honourable with me?
Me: nobody oh, you don win.
Ugochukwu: yes… Nobody his voice shaking
Me sef no even recognize my own voice, it was sounding like those primary two children with twelve teeth.
Soldier: frog jump!
I quickly got up and started jumping like frog, you see that koboko? The fear of that koboko is the beginning of wisdom. Ugochukwu follow me jump too, I think say em go prove stubborn at least.
Mr. Okoye: fools!
Ugochukwu and I: thank you sir.
We were still jumping beside the roadside when he ordered his army to follow him, they got into their cars and drove off.
I immediately opened my zipper and started urinating, na that day I recorded the longest urine of my life, no be joke oh.
Ugochukwu: o boy! he exhale
Me: I stare at his trouser why water full here I touch his dick area* guy you piss for trouser I start laughing
Ugochukwu: wipe the sweats on his face no be small thing, this man nodey smile with you oh!
Me: I swear, make we commot here before em go send assassin.
We went inside the car and some passers-by witnessed the scene, naso I wan win election when my opponent dey intimidate me anyhow.
I need to man up, we got to my house and Ugochukwu went inside the bathroom and spent some quality time, immediately he came out.
Ugochukwu: give me pu-ssy, I need am before I die.
Me: trailer of stupidity hit you, I resemble girl for your eyes.
Ugochukwu: hiss you need tight securities for this thing oh.
Me: na true talk be that, my go arrange security.
I went outside the room and called Jojo, with two other strong men in the yard to my room.
Four of us entered the room and I saw Ugochukwu sleeping on my bed.
Me: I slap his leg guy, get up!
Ugochukwu: he wake up wetin again?
Me: I don bring the securities.
Ugochukwu: he see the three of them and face me wey them?
Me: see my CSO I point at Jojo the two others na guards.
Ugochukwu: them fit withstand soldier as them dey like people wey never see food.
Me: you wan be the security?
Me: pepper the honourable with ‘talk and do’
Jojo: honourable talk and do, your security is assured.
Ugochukwu: ona get guns? they look at each other in confusion
Me: guy, warn yourself. We nodey go war, na politics.
Ugochukwu: the man take am as war.
Me: just die the matter.
I discussed with the three guys and asked them to gym, and always be around my room. I promised to pay them handsomely,
Later madam Stella called.
Madam Stella: sugar boy.
Me: good evening, Stella na she talk my call am by her name oh
Madam Stella: shut up! answer your dick is ready.
Me: sorry, my dick is ready na wa oh
Madam Stella: good boy, I heard what happened.
News dey travel upon say she dey Abuja, she dey send spy to dey follow me. I wonder sha.. She promised to provide bodyguard when she touched down the State, she also said her husband is coming back to the State. The man don travel since, sometimes I wonder if na him be the governor or em wife.
After we ended the call, that day went and another day showed up. Ugochukwu was just snoring anyhow beside me.
Me wey nodey like to wake up around 4am, the idiot woke me up. I rushed go on light, teared out tissues and snugged it inside his nostrils.
I went back to sleep.
After sometime, someone woke me up.
Me: wetin be your problem?
Ugochukwu: you wan kill me?
Me: your snore is liable of killing.
Ugochukwu: no do am again, I no like am.
I hissed and went back to sleep, suddenly a knock landed on the door. Ugochukwu and I woke up staring at each other for who to open the door.
Ugochukwu: guy, go open the door?
Me: why I go go open the door?
Ugochukwu: I senior you.
Me: how many years you dey?
Ugochukwu: them born me for 1960.
Me: na you never reach 90years… Well my own na 1903… Go open the door.
Ugochukwu: the person knock harder on the door hiaa! You wan break the door? We dey discuss who go open door for you, calm down.
Voice: honourable talk and do… You don come out for newspaper!
Oga Landlord Episode 42
I quickly got up from the bed my heart beating “gbu! gbu!!”, hope say them never talk say the current chairman disgraced me. I opened the door and met Anderson smiling, wetin dey make this one shine teeth sef?
Anderson: honourable talk and do! you too much hailing me
Me: I collect the newspaper Jesus!!
Ugochukwu: wetin Jesus do again this time?
Me: Anderson thank you, you know say you be my mouthpiece, we go see later.
Anderson: I dey gidigba! honourable talk and do!
Me: I close the door people sabi lie oh
Ugochukwu: how na?
Me: I give him the newspaper you no see the headlines, Mr. Okoye confront the people choice due to fear of losing.
Ugochukwu: them even write say em wan bribe you, say em kneel down dey beg you to step down when them wan kill us with koboko.
Me: you don see am, I know say na madam Stella pay them to do all these things oh.
Ugochukwu: you even dey talk wetin dey my mind, guy berra goan cook amu going out.
Me: you better browse enter eatery, I dey go my shop.
Both of us contested who will got inside the bathroom first, I went for the towel firstly but the idiot ran into the bathroom without towel. There have not been light through out the night sha…
Ugochukwu: I won! am a winner!!
Me: oboy, baf quick quick na.
After sometimes he stopped singing and one strange silence eschew afterwards.
Ugochukwu: aahhh! water don finish, abeg… Oh! soap dey my eyes.
Me: so, my fly?
Ugochukwu: Victor! help me na!!
Me: use your boxer clean your face na, then carry bucket go fetch water for well.
Ugochukwu: oboy, no do na… I dey sorry, abeg just help me fetch the water.
Me: na for your side I see winner dey beg loser oh, I no get strength for this your madness for this morning, I dey go baf for the yard bathroom, bye bye.
Ugichukwu: Victor!!!!!!! Vi ki tor!!!!
I hissed and got out of the room went to the compound, and sighted strange queue in the bathroom side. I wonder where everybody dey rush go this morning.
I took my bucket to the well to fetch when Cynthia came out with towel tied around her body.
Cynthia: my husband, how you dey?
Me: husband? which kind marine marriage be that?
Cynthia: just answer na, you nofit dey romantic for once…. I know say you no sabi oh, just pretend say you dey try to.
Me: madam adviser, I don hear… I wan fetch water.
Cynthia: ah ah!, a whole my husband fetch water when I dey there, mba!
She took the bucket tied with rope from me and helped me in filling my own bucket from the well, I was surprised sha.. Cynthia wey I dey bribe to even go buy something for me dey give me free fetching, is alright.
I took the bucket to the queue and all of them turned to me hailing me, iffa I lose this election my enemies no go see better thing oh..
Voices: honourable talk and do, hey you shift shift… make em go baf, come out of the bathroom.
Before I look my bucket and me dey inside the bathroom dey baf oh, I no know say power dey stop nonsense. If na before who go even gree, everybody godey claim tenant rights.
I finish bathing and came out of the bathroom and I was showered with more praises with motives, everybody want my notice am. I waka enter inside room and met Ugochukwu whistling wiping out some dust from his trouser.
He wore one boxer that was wrestling with his dangler, I felt like drinking water.
I opened the bucket I usually stored drinking water, it was empty. I opened the next one and it was still empty.
Me: I remember say I fetch water for this buckets before I sleep last night.
Ugochukwu: pure water no cost.
Oga Landlord Episode 43
I looked at the big goat on boxer and shook my head, my eyes colored red. Ten naira wey I suppose add complete the transport wey I go take go shop, because I have one hundred pieces in my trouser’s pocket. Removing that ten naira will make it ninety naira, I sighed tiredly and dressed up.
Ugochukwu wore his trouser and shirt then took his car keys with his phone, I was busy dressing up too..
Ugochukwu: stay safe, I wan first take life holiday before that man go see that newspaper send em boys come here.
Me: you too dey fear, nothing go happen. He nofit do more than a dead rat Ugochukwu stare at me like I have gone insane
Ugochukwu: you forget your brain for the bathroom you go baf or the one wey dey inside your head na brainless brain?
Me: so… you wan leave only me for this house?
Ugochukwu: laughing no mistake me for your guardian angel, when you ready hire people wey go secure us. call me I go enter PH from Aba, for now I don go.
Me: no problem, drop me for shop my add the transport money hire police officers wey go secure us.
Ugochukwu: you no serious, start to dey trek you go reach before you even realize say you dey trek.
He went out of the room while I wore my pans and came out of the hallway, I turned to the frontage and saw him moving his car away.
I took a bike to the main road and I took a car to my shop, I got there and met the new security girl, is Olamide okay?
He is hiring a girl as a security, em think say na brothel em dey secure or mini-supermarket.
Security girl: good afternoon, sir. welcome to Many Choice supermarket.
Me: wait oh… You be the new security?
Security girl: she don see fine boy na, she come dey blush yes sir the girl fine oh
Me: Olamide run model charade? no wonder, where is that big head Olamide?
Security girl: you mean the manager? we don’t use such words here, sir.
I hissed and entered the supermarket and met another new salesgirl, that stupid girl quit without informing me. I met Olamide behind the counter pointing to the girl how to inform customers of their choice.
Olamide: oga, good morning.
Me: call yourself and your two girlfriends to my office.
I headed to my office while the three of them joined me later, the security girl is so innocent and charming, especially her pretty rounded face and her honey eyes. she is fair and barely twenty one, I glanced at her CV as they all stood before me. She has just finished her ND programme, but no money to further her HND, because of say I don dey pay thirty thousand naira… everybody wan work for here. issorite.
The other one that just wrote her WAEC, very dark and seems like she is Olamide girlfriend. The way she is just staring at Olamide with love and fear in her eyes, na my business ona wan turn Romeo and Juliet. I broke the silence with a pleasant cough.
Me: manager, Ola!
Olamide: yes, sir.
Security girl: kneel down immediately sir, please no sack me. my sick mother depend on me, na only this job I dey use help her and my brother.
Me: I nofit hold the laugh nobody is sacking anybody here, Ola bring the sales record book.
He rushed and brought it with the money, I did a thorough accounting before them and noticed ninety thousand naira has been missing.
Me: wetin you use ninety thousand naira do, Ola?
Olamide: for salary, no vex… sir, I no go try am again.
Me: before? I no go use police arrest you, na myself and I go use you do ritual.
After I settled the accounting that day, I asked them to go to their various post. My supermarket was growing rapidly all thanks to Aisha and her contacts, I called my suppliers to bring more stocks. I took lots of money from the safe in the supermarket and headed to the bank, immediately I came out of the supermarket the security girl came to me.
I was waiting for James the guy that always drove me to bank whenever I want to deposit.
Security girl: sir playing with her fingers no sleep for your house this night.
Security girl: nothing she run back to her duty post
I shook my head and smiled, the girl dey crush for rich fine boy na. James arrived and we headed to the bank, after the depositing I went to my house to relax.
In the night I was just sleeping when I heard a loud bang at the iron door protecting the yard major entrance close to my room.
Voices: open this door!! we go break am down oh!!!
The yard quiet die, is like life have travelled out of the yard. I called two of those people that I asked to be my securities none of them picked, I called the third one.
Jojo: youngest landlord, wahala dey oh.
Me: na honourable talk and do dey call you like this in whisper carry your men come secure me.
Naso the call just ended, I checked if I made mistake with the number. I no make oh, I tried the number and it was switched off. The front iron gate slammed on the hallway floor with loud bang and heavy bang followed at my door.
I run enter bathroom turned to spiderman, I climbed the toilet wall and hung on top of the roof.
Voices: you no wan open abi? You go see wetin we go do you if we march this door down.
My bladder full, shit start to catch me. I no even know my natural problem that moment.
Oga Landlord Episode 44
I hung on the walls of my bathroom, thank God say the tiler no go do am till reach the dome, I placed my both hands on the walls and placed my shaking both legs also.
My door fell with a slam and I started sweating all over, I heard them walking around my bedroom. Even tumbling my stuffs, I pray say make them no break that plasma TV, if them try am I go come down from here go tell them how much I take buy am.
Voice1: see fu*ck up! nobody dey this room na.
Voice2: we never check kitchen..
They went to the kitchen after the door of the bathroom, and started searching. I heard my pot opened, bia… how human being go hide inside pot? you better close that pot oh!
Voice2: this guy dey enjoy oh… see goat meats everywhere inside this egusi soup.
Voice3: na food go kill you, make we kill this guy commot here.
Voice4: I for like eat this soup oh.
Voice1: we pass one door.
My heart started knacking drum, naso I go take die go. The spirit of my forefathers, God of Abraham… I go start to go church, I never wan die please…
They opened the bathroom door and shot beams of light from torchlight inside the bathroom, hopefully say I dey behind the door.
Voice2: nobody dey inside her.
Voice3: check the back of the door.
Naso I start to dey pee without control, I tried to hold it oh! but the “chorrooooorrr” sounds refused to stop, see wahala.
Voice4: check the kitchen!
They all left the door thinking I switched on the tap on the sink, after sometimes they returned. The stupid piss don stop.
Voice1: you sure say this girl never tidy himself?
Voice3: na wetin I dey reason here sef.
Voice2: make we move, before police go reach here.
I heard their footsteps leaving, so you think say I go come down for here? I stayed there till another day came.
When I started hearing the voices of my tenants at my door, some are already inside my room.
Voices: wey them? why them run? what of honourable talk and do.
I jumped down from were I have hung myself through out the night, immediately I landed on the marbled floor. My legs started vibrating like someone who is about to c*um, I no blame my legs sha…
I quickly opened the door of my bathroom and stepped out, they were surprised and happy to see me.
Voices: them nofit do you anything! Honourable talk and do! nothing do you.
Me: if you no want make I increase your rent, before I close and open my eyes all of ona don viaaam.
I closed my eyes before I opened it everyone of them have gone, I brushed my mouth quickly and took my bath. Boiled the soup and ate all the meats, then dashed out the soup. Dressed up and packed some clothes that I can go into hiding for sometimes, I too young to die.
The primary election is just three days away and I dey die today, em no make sense na.
I took a bike and headed to the main road, I came down to decide whether to go to my supermarket and hide there or to go to a hotel, I was confused.
I picked the first thought and boarded a taxi and headed to the supermarket, I came down from the taxi and met the security girl at the door. She wasn’t smiling this time… I come dey wonder.
Security girl: no no… Go go…
Me: wetin you mean?
Security girl: nothing.
she smiled at me and said welcome, I no come dey understand the girl. Something dey worry am, I stood at the door looking at the girl playing with her fingers.
The bag I packed my clothes hung loosely on my shoulder, wetin I go do myself like this. Where I wan get charms wey go protect me as I dey like this?
I turned away from my supermarket and a car pulled over at the tarred road side just close to the gutter, I no need to hear whistle.
I kicked away my shoes and pulled off my bag and ran towards Aunty Fatty shop.
REAd next: Story: Oga Landlord (+18)… Episode 45