READ PREVIOUS: Story: Oga Landlord (+18)… Episode 5
Oga Landlord Episode 7 – 10
Ngwanu come see bumbum scatter everywhere, girls lined up facing their b*ttocks towards the yard entrance.
I was shocked, I saw Nkechi and her friends about four with her twerking their yansh with their school uniforms.
Papa Michael was reading newspaper but actually he wasn’t at all, his face was on the newspaper but his eyes was glued to those twerking. They all stood at the kitchen space twerking, see the way their bumbum was shaking underneath the pinafore. Fear catch me, Jojo came out of the room with his shirt hung on his shoulder.
Jojo: wonderful, come see yansh ehhnn he start whistling
Me: nothing wey person no go see for this yard.
I was wondering were everyone went, the yard was empty as most of the crazy folks are no were at sight. The yard would have turned to party hall, the moment one corner took over the playing song. Their twerking went crazy, papa Michael didn’t know when the newspaper in his hands drop off and he stood dumfounded, his mouth agape as flies from nowhere entered his mouth.
Papa Michael: tufiaa! Tufiaa!! he start spitting everywhere
It was just me and Jojo with Papa Michael was present viewing this mid-day shock, there is one deeper life man that lived in my compound. Ade, he opened the door and stepped out of his room, immediately he saw the girls.
Ade: the Devil is a liar, daughters of Jezebel.
He declared after moving his face away, he strode on the pavement trying to walk away.
You no fit deceive Jesus na, before we look.
Ade: my head, my head o! he start screaming
I looked at him, he covered his forehead with palm but he was bleeding profusely.
Jojo: choi! Even father Jesus nofit resist temptation.
Anderson rushed out of the rest-rooms pavement with just boxer, he went straight to the mp3 speaker and switched it off.
Anderson: ona dey here dey twerk, Rufus and em fifteen sons don full suck away, as I dey like this na bush I dey go shit.
Suddenly the children of the yard came back from school, come see noise na.
I went inside because there was fire burning inside me, konji wan finish me. I rushed inside my room and placed a call to Cynthia, that girl toto too sweet. She dey owe me rent, so I dey collect am from her toto till she pay for her rent.
Me: Cynthia fire dey for mountain, rush down to my house. I repeat over, over. Do you copy?
Cynthia: copied, soldier. But I no be water oh, go fine water quench the fire, frequency disrupt.
Me: this is konji reporting, toto do you copy?
Cynthia: repeat soldier, toto nodey available.
Me: you dey use me play, your things go appear outside oh.
Cynthia: you sabi pala oh, I dey for period no vex.
Me: I no want S_x again, come give me bl*wjob. Or the blood dey come out from your mouth too?
Cynthia: my belle dey pain me oh, I nofit waka commot from here.
Me: no use me play oh, the kind konji wey dey hold me here fit rape goat. I know when your period dey start and end, na two weeks from now.
Cynthia: oga periodic table, I don hear you. I dey come.
I ended the call and pulled of my long sleeves and trouser, my dck was just standing in my boxer without any sign of calming down.
I don’t know why hot afternoon Nigeria sun dey shine with konji, I waited five minutes and Cynthia didn’t appear. I decided to check if she is actually in the yard, maybe she want it in her room.
I raised my boxer band and trapped my dck with it, I wore my singlet and came out of my room.
Immediately, I came out of the yard wide compound. Papa Michael rushed towards Papa Jayjay generator set that was facing directly to his door vomiting carbon-iv-oxide, the popular ‘I pass my neighbour’ and switched it off. Papa Jayjay rushed out of his room.
Papa jayjay: who is that castrated frustrated nuisance bombarded with envisaged poverty mentality that evaporated from insanity and condensed beside my generator set?
Papa Michael: he start crying you dey claim say you sabi grammar, I go show you say I go school too. I dey come, no run oh.
Papa Michael entered his room.
Papa Michael went inside his house and I hurried to Cynthia door and find it locked, this babe nodey house sef. See f–k up, konji go finish person pikin.
I returned back to see Papa Jayjay hands folded under the sun waiting for papa Michael, this people no get work at all.
I climbed the long hallway that has my doors and other tenants rooms with that of papa Michael.
Papa Michael: see this woman, why you go give me just two pieces of meat. You no know say I be the head of this family, if I vex now cut the head who go lead the family, you don see anything without head survive? shouting
Mama Michael: I be tail of the family, you no deserve even half-piece of meat, when last you buy meat for house. Papa Michael?
This man dey em house dey fight for meat while papa Jayjay dey under hot sun dey wait for am, I entered my room and had my shower anticipating for Cynthia arrival. I tried her line twice but it was switched off, so I couldn’t get through to her.
I laid on my bed and slept off after the cold shower, the konji melo down.
I was just sleeping oh, until I heard two smokers voice from my window. Of all the space to discuss their madness is my window they saw, I recognized the voice to belong to Donald and his misfortune friend China as he called himself.
China: bad man, why you dey read na? I think say we go live by the game and die for the game.
Donald: who and you wan die? See I dey read for jamb no disturb me. I wan score five hundred.
China: two of us know say your score go be indomie money, we no get future.
Donald: devil is a liar, I get future. I wan be politician but now I be jambite.
China: I wan become criminal but now I be armed robber, I don even pass my future sef. I dey my destiny.
Donald: you don see am, na why I wan become politician. I godey use you win election then later come jack all the money, maybe I go send sars or police make them go carry you go prison or kirikiri make you cool your brain there.
China: your father left yansh, I don go oh. Meet me for plantation when your head clear.
After sometime I didn’t hear their voices again, it was towards evening when a soft knock landed on my door. I rushed and opened the door to see Cynthia looking sweet and hot.
Cynthia: youngest landlord, how far na?
Me: you no try oh, since that time wey I call you. Na now you dey come?
Cynthia: no vex na, see I get wetin sweet pass s*x for my handbag here, i wan pay my rent.
Only wetin she talk make me c*m, i opened the door wide for her to come in. I rushed go carry pen and my invoice booklet.
Me: you know say na three months you dey owe, wey the money?
Cynthia: na wa for you oh! You no even commot one month, all the knacking nkor?
Me: the knacking na for the grace to stay, bring the money na. Money wey dey delay nodey sweet.
She counted the money and gave to me, I wrote her invoice and issued it to her. My dck was already hard in my boxer, I went inside bathroom and wore condom.
I usually hide them in a green basket hung on the wall with nail, i picked out one and tore off the seal. Wore it on my semi er-ct dck and came out of the bathroom to see Cynthia holding her pink p*nt.
Me: who be that na?!
Voice: na me executive caretaker a.k.a Anderson. We get meeting for yard, we dey wait for you.
Me: I dey come, make ona wait.
I grabbed Cynthia’s waist and our lips clicked, she wore a mini pink gown. I pulled down my boxer to my kneel, and she rolled up her gown to her waist. She wore a waist beads and always make me go insane, I pushed her to the bed and she spread her both legs.
The height of my bed stop around my waist region, I just hold her both legs and positioned myself to enter her wt pssy.
Gboooor! Gbooooor!! Gboooooooor!!! The knocking refused to stop this time around.
Me: who be that psychiatric patient na?
Voice: na me caretaker Anderson, time na money. Them say make you show for the meeting.
Me: I dey come… Two minutes.
Anderson: okay, my go tell them… Shey na two minutes?
Me: ehnn.. Two minutes.
I grabbed my hrd dck and tapped twice on her cl*t, she grabbed the bedsheet and wiggled gasping for breathe as her skin beamed with sweats.
I come ready to enter, the knocking this time around come with four hands.
Gboooor! Gbooooor!! Gbooooooooooor!!!
Me: na who be that person wey wan mad but no know where to go demonstrate am? I shout with frustration
Voices: youngest landlord, na we. Your tenants, we want make you show outside. Time nodey.
Me: I dey come. Just ten seconds.
These idiots will not allow someone to cm in peace, Cynthia was even getting tired of the whole thing. She no even wt again, another wahala to make her w*t so that I go browse her puna.
I just spit on my palm and was about to rubbed it on her puna when the knocking this time became more aggressive.
Voices: youngest landlord ten seconds don pass oh, this one you no wan come out. Hope all is well?
Me: how all go well when ona no gree make I do in peace?
Cynthia: leave this war, later we go do.
Voices: youngest landlord, you shit for knicker, this one you never still come out?!
I pulled up my boxer and wore my shirt, then wore a short that stopped just at my kneel. Cynthia took her p*nt and put on, she raised her short gown down and adjusted herself.
I came out and saw Solomon with Anderson standing just at my doorpost, I left the door open and walked to the main yard so that Cynthia will come out.
Anderson and Solomon are brothers, I picked Anderson as caretaker and his brother Solomon is assistant caretaker ordained by Anderson.
Solomon: I never dey see Cynthia oh, or she no follow us full the suck away.
Anderson: she still dey serve Nigeria our country, very soon we go see am for community.
I came out of the yard and saw all the men of the yard well sitted at the spacious compound, every room was represented by the one who rented the room and most of it is male. But only one woman whose husband wasn’t around, a police man’s wife. Three ladies were also there apart from Cynthia who later showed up after I settled in my executive chair to discuss the next step we should take as occupants of the yard.
Benches were well lined up at both sides, the moment everyone was present especially Akpan who ran into the meeting before we started. If you come late, you will be fined and nobody wan pay that money stingy people.
Anderson stood up to open the meeting.
Anderson: ladies and gentle men, mamas and papas, aunties and sisters, huncles and brothers. Mommies and daddies, you are all welcome. The matter wey dey ground be say, Rufus and his fifteen sons with the two trailer he married don full our suckaway, thank you.
Rufus quickly raised his hand up and I permitted him to speak.
Rufus: make ona help me warn Anderson, all my children nodey yard here. Na only me and my two daughters, with my two wives dey yard. The person wey full that suckaway na Adamu, who fit talk how many mats dey em room?
Adamu quickly raised his hand up and I permitted him to speak.
Adamu: me I put me for troufle ko, me no know how many I dey am for house. No be just Aisha and Isha, me no marry am for too many wives.
He sat and papa Jayjay raised his hand up.
Me: abeg, papa Jayjay nobody wan buy panadol for here I clear my throat everybody go pay five hundred naira so that we go bring the people wey go suck those thing ona full suckaway.
My phone started ringing and I excused myself, it was Olamide who was calling.
Me: wetin happen? Hope say money no lose or armed robbers come shop? You don put the money for safe box?
Olamide: oga good evening oh, your money dey safe oga I then calm down ehnn… That lady don bring the goods come oh, them don start to put am inside shop.
Me: she dey there? Tell am say I dey come.
Olamide: she nodey o, you no need to come everything is under control.
Me: pepper enter your sense? Which day you turn remote. See, make nothing miss there or you go pay oh.
I ended call and met Anderson addressing everyone.
Anderson: ona don hear wetin youngest landlord yarn? Make everybody pay five hundred naira. But make ona wait oh, I think say Tony get one hundred million us dollars? Tony do something na.
Everyone started laughing and talking.
Tony: wetin be the meaning of that talk Anderson? You wan insult engineer of my pedigree? So, because of say I get money make I use am remedy poverty for your life or wetin?
Naso the meeting scatter, I just left them and hurried to shop.
I didn’t know how the stupid okada man did it oh! He parked me in the wrong direction, across the road back of my shop. And I didn’t have any way to get into my shop except I turn round or pass through back of aunty Chidimma’s restaurant. I entered the small gate and walked into the kitchen were plates were on the floor. Someone was washing but it seem like she left before I could get there, na so this people dey behind the scene.
There is a small house by the corner, where the owner of the shop usually chillax.
Madam Fatty corner be that….
Voice: haaaarrrddddeer!! Faaaaasssstttteerrrr! Emeka oh!!!
Me: wetin dey roar like this? which day this woman buy lion na?
My legs wan pass oh! My eyes wan see, I waka go the window peep. Come see improper fraction.
I only saw two fat legs lifted up, I didn’t get a clear view. I tiptoed to see n_ked boy on top Fatty. Her plaited hairs scattered on the small foam.
She have shut her eyes and her big mouth was opened, instead of maning she was roaring like hungry lion.
The boy on her body is very small compared to were her fat body occupied on the bed, Emeka height just stopped below her neck. So his face was trapped in between the fat melons that was fallen like the biblical walls of Jericho.
Emeka bare buttocks was very black as I observed under the light of the bulb, this yellow cream no favour this boy buttocks – I thought.
Emeka was hammering her with missionary style, the problem is he couldn’t drop his both hands on the bed or floor to bng her. He raised his hands up and grabbed her fat neck, and he moves himself up and down on Fatty’s body. Emeka dey try oh! This one na suffering happily after.
I left the window side and find my way through the back door of the restaurant, I saw her girls trying to serve orders to the customers in the bar.
I only greeted them and hurried to my shop, on getting to my shop. I met Olamide standing outside while a trunk was parked before my mini-supermarket front, some men were moving packages inside the shop while Olamide held pen and book giving orders, one of the man that was loading returned from my shop and met Olamide. He didn’t know I was behind him sha…
Man: sir, we don load am finish oh, and we don arrange am.
Olamide: good boy, I no like my shop to scatter. Make sure you and your boys do better job, or I go call the woman to tell am say make em no pay ona.
Me: which shop? Olamide, I never die you don inherit one of my property.
The man stared at me confused, Olamide started scratching his head.
Man: we don do finish, me and my boys wan go.
Me: no worry, make ona go. Greet your madam for me, come Olamide. I don dey suspect you oh!
Olamide: oga good evening, sorry sir.
Me: wetin good for this evening? Darkness cover your eyes, see I no be your brother oh. If I die today, i get family people to inherit my shop so no think am say you be next of my kin, we no relate kpata! Kpata!! Come, bring today sales money.
Olamide: God forbid! Oga, you no go die. Money dey with Oluchi.
He pointed towards the shop door, she came out of the shop locking the doors. I no mind use 20padlocks for the protectors and iron door that protects my shop, I ordered Olamide to meet her and take the money with the book that has records of the day sales. Oluchi is a beautiful girl, who is about writing her JAMB, she works in my shop to raise some money in case she has admission, she will not lack and wholly depend on her parents.
The girl love money like me, she has many fathers that I don’t even know who her biological father is, don’t ask me oh! I no talk anything.
Olamide ran back to me and handed over everything, I turned back and stopped a keke man passing through the tarred road and hopped in, some minutes later he dropped me along the road to my yard.
There are incomplete buildings close to my yard, we have lots of them and my yard is surrounded by four, there are three roads that leads to my yard. One narrow road runs from East to West, while one comes from South to join the other road at the front of my yard. So, generally there are three ways to get to were I live, I took the back one leading from South directing to my yard, there are incomplete buildings at both sides along the way.
On my way home, closing in on my yard is another incomplete building before I will get to my house, I over heard voices.
Voice1: no, I will not gree, you want to do finish and do promise and fail I pause first, the voice seem familiar
Voice2: no, see I no go fail this time around. Why you dey do me like this na? My thing don stand ready to enter.
Voice1: to enter where? See I nodey gree oh. If you no give me money, you no go do anything.
Voce2: why you dey act like small pikin, okay okay! Take this five hundred naira, tomorrow when you come back to service my engine, I go pay you one thousand naira.
Voice1: I no gree o, this one you pay like this na only one round oh! Because, your own you go dey do and do no stop as if say you give better something.
Voice2: no talk like that na, you know say you sweet well well. If I don see you tay tay, I for no marry that my two trailer wey I call wives put for house na Rufus be this oh!
Voice1: talk truth? My thing sweet pass your wives own?
Voice2: yes na, well well… Any man wey go enter your thing, go always come back for more. Na em make I dey always come back, Iyawo Iyawo! Fine girl, turn quick quick, make we start.
Voice1: take am easy oh.
Ona wan start? I dey laugh ona sha… I climbed through the window and entered one of the empty room. The room is flat, from were am hearing there voice, they are in the verandah of the house.
I laid on the wall close to were they are.
Voice1: Rufus, take am easy na. You wan spoil my pant.
Voice2: no na, aaahhhh!
Voice1: wetin happen? Why you dey shout like that?
Voice2: I don zip my p—k together with my trouser.
Voice1: I don w*t, fine way commot am na. I nofit wait again.
Me: Iyawo! Iyawo!! Iyawo!!! Rufus! Rufus!! Rufus!!! Why do you want to fornicate and crucify me again?
Voice2: you hear that voice?
Voice1: yes, who be that?
Voice2: you come still dey stand here.
I heard foot-falls, probably Rufus was running away.
Voice1: wait for me.
Voice2: run come.
I started laughing, you wan chop sweet in the middle when you no get mind.
I waited for them to run into the yard before I climbed down from the window, I was about entering the yard when I met mama Iyawo with a bowl of water she wanted to pour outside the yard coming out of the yard.
Mama Iyawo is a wife to a policeman, she only gave birth to Iyawo and Samuel. That boy head round like cocoanut, her husband has been posted to North since last year and he hardly comes home.
Mama Iyawo: youngest landlord, you don return?
Me: yes oh, good evening mama Iyawo.
I wanted to go into the yard but she called me back and poured away the water in the bowl.
Me: mama Iyawo, this one you call me back. No tell me story say you no get money to pay for rent, ona house rent dey expire next Month.
Mama Iyawo: she knot her wrapper properly no be wetin I call you back for, I don call papa Iyawo about am. Em say when them pay am em go send the money.
Me: na good news be that, so wetin you come call me back for?
Mama Iyawo: em get something wey I dey hear say you dey give Cynthia, sometimes sef I dey hear her voice when you dey give am that thing from my room, I want make you also give me am.
I looked the woman up first, she is a pretty woman that married to a wrong man. She is fair with huge bttocks and two big oranges at the front, she is chubby and any man would want to have her. Police men are always lucky to marry beautiful woman.
Me: Mama Iyawo, I nodey give Cynthia anything oh. Any time Cynthia visit me, na so she dey like to speak in tongues anytime we dey pray.
Mama Iyawo: hiaa! Youngest landlord when you turn pastor? Okay, I go like make you conduct that kind deliverance service with me so that I go also speak in tongues like Cynthia.
Me: I be pastor tay tay, no be today I open my ministry inside my room. The thing be say, na money you go pay before I conduct that kind service for you.
Mama Iyawo: na wa oh! You and money sef, you too like money. You no go do am free for me?
Me: mama Iyawo, you lie. I love money, I dey even vex with my papa say em no call me money when them born me, I nodey run charity organization. If you get money, you come. I go give you better service wey you go receive konji healing, when you serious come fine me. I wan go rest.
I entered my yard whistling, immediately I stepped feet into the yard they brought light. The thing sweet me pass when I dey cm, come see shout na.
Before I even got into my room those tenants that have home theatre have already started playing music, and none of them reduced their speakers, so am just hearing different songs at a time.
I locked my door and went to have shower, after I finished bathing. I ate and slept off, that day was a good day. I slept off with light and woke up with light, the next morning, I picked up my brush and cup.
I went outside to brush, immediately I got close to papa Caleb’s door.
The door burst open and Nkitae ran out of the room and started vomitting at the frontage. Em don happen!
Mama Caleb came out of the yard staring at her.
Mama Caleb: Nkitae, you get belle? Wait… Papa Caleb oh! Our housegirl don carry belle oh!
As she raised her voice, doors started opening in the yard and my tenants started coming out to hear the full gists. Nobody wan miss the happening.