Story: Toto Pass Toto (18+)… Episode 35 – 40

Story: Toto Pass Toto (18+)… Episode 35 – 40

Toto Pass Toto (18+) -Episode 35
Me: no be so, abeg na. I dey sorry for all the things, I don do you.
Tracy: laughing you never even start to beg, Jack!
Jack: yes, boss!
Tracy: bring the scissor, I wan cut em penis I start sweating
I did not know where to start the begging, I was shocked and scared with confusion at a time.
I started reflecting on my life and realized I will not even be allowed to even see the gate or way to heaven’s gate at all.
There are three hefty guys behind Tracy, and Jack she called earlier stepped forward with tailor scissor that scared the shit out of me.
I trembled at the sight of scissor wondering how to get out of this mess.
Tracy: I wan help you cut your number one problem laughing
Me: Tracy, em never reach like this na, remember the love we shared.
How well I treated you, you remember when you don’t have a shoulder to cry on and a time everyone forbids you, I was there for you. my words where working small small
Tracy: and you later destroyed my life, that fine bobo don engage me for marriage. Na you ’cause wey I still never marry when my mate don marry shouting at me
Me: I no know, no vex. Tracy, you know say I love you, I for no hurt you. If you no hurt me too! I cry out with tears
Tracy: me hurt you? Sandra tell me say you dey carry girls upadan. Because of say I no confront you, you think say I be fool? After I use my money dey help your life. I just send you that message so that you go know how em dey pain, when you cheat on your partner.
Me: wetin you dey talk sef? Me cheat on you?
Tracy: oh! You think say I no go know, Sandra tell me everything, how you dey sweet talk her to come your house so that you go use your yeye p—k chuk for her toto.
Me: wait wait! I no understand, na Sandra tell you all these things?
Tracy: you no know say Sandra no be just my friend, she be my bestie.
Me: laughing insanely Sandra format your brain with lies, why you no ask me? she start looking confuse
Tracy: I know say na truth.
Me: bring my number call Sandra, you go know who dey lie for our two.
She was surprised the boldness I talked with, and signaled one of the guys behind her to get my phone to her.
She took my phone and dialed Sandra number, it rang twice before she accepted the call.
Tracy gave me the phone to continue the call..
Sandra: hello, who is this?
Me: Sandra, is me… Victor, Tracy’s ex.
Sandra: jeezz.. Victor! Where have you been na!?
Me: I just dey oh.
Sandra: where na? You nodey live for that yard again. You never still forget about that idiot Tracy? Tracy look shock
Me: no be Tracy na, I need to hustle na em make I commot from the yard.
Sandra: eyaa! So, why you call me today? You don agree for wetin I been dey tell you?
Me: I never know how em go be, I doubt whether if you go still like me.
Sandra: I love you die! Where you dey stay? I want make you dey give me all these things wey Tracy dey tell me.
Tracy angrily snatched the phone from my hand and ended the call, she probably would have switched off the phone as she went out of the room angrily, followed by one of the guys.
The other one left behind blindfolded my eyes and I could not see anything,
I only heard the sound of the wall switch.
I felt for Tracy she would have went about confiding in her so called friend Sandra about our lively sx life, I did not know when I slept off.
I woke up the next morning tired and hungry, my body were aching me as my head bang like a drummer was inside.
I heard the door sounds and felt the presence of people in the room.
Me: hungry wan kill me, em no go sweet iffa die with empty stomach na *yawning

Voice1: how far for Ejiro na?
Voice2: I go soon close that girl chapter oh, she dey always aunty aunty anytime I tell am make em come house, but she nodey aunty anytime she dey collect money from me oh!
Voice1: na wa oh! Leave that girl oh, before she go finish you.
Me: you don f–k up na, if you leave compass wey don set tay tay the room become quiet
Voice2: bro, wetin you mean?
Me: your problem na small challenge, put am for her body say you wan take her outing. She go come out, from there she no go get choice than to follow you come house.
Voice1: you sure em go work?
Me: like never before.
Voice2: if your plan no work, you go starve to death for here. Piro, pass am that food.
I heard foot-falls and after some minutes the blindfold was taken off from my eyes, I felt relief at least am better than a blind man.
The other guy fed me with spoons of rice, I ate like there is no tomorrow which is a doubt on my side.
Me: thank you. after draining a cup of water
Piro: just pray make wetin you tell am click, if not.. You don die here oh! he warn
That is when I realized the other guy has left earlier,
The blindfold was returned to my face, I spent the whole day pinned to the chair as I lost track of days and time.
A long period of time I was left in the room, as I kept on yelling on top of my voice.
There was no response and the door ceased to make any sounds, suddenly the door burst open and made a contact with wall which generated a loud slam.
Heavy foot-falls walked hastily approaching me, I was startled and scared.
Voice1: guy!!! yelling at me


Toto Pass Toto (18+) -Episode 36

My heart jumped inside my mouth, as I find it difficult to breathe when the owner of the foot-falls touched me, he removed the blindfold and I saw Jack smiling down happily at me.


Jack: you be tight ashewo I chuckle

Me: abeg, give me food make I chop.

Jack: no reason food again, you go soon enter house.

Me: my stomach dey sing hungry song, my first settle them.

He untied me completely and asked me to eat the fried rice he bought from one of those eatery that I guessed is close by, the room was locked and Jack went out.
After I devoured the meal, I lay down on the floor and slept off, I made no effort to escape ’cause I have resigned to my fate.

It was in the Evening when Jack came back with Piro…

Jack: bro, make you no reason, Tracy say make you no vex, she even dey shame to come see you.

Me: na revenge carry this matter reach here, I nodey think go that side at all.

Piro: I trust you, you be guy man. Carry this tp reach house and your phone, the tp go do you?

Me: yes, ona thank you I set out for home

Jack: the guy plan work like magic, I give the girl doggy 6 5 9, the toto sweet die.

Piro: laughing Bayelsa toto na water water.

I did not bother to hear more, the last thing on my mind is to talk about woman.
I left my phone switched off, luckily for me.
My room key is with me, I flagged down two taxi and none of them stopped so that I can enter.

Probably they think me as a madman, I was not actually mad but I looked unkempt.
One vehicle that looks like it will soon die or stop to move stopped and carried me, well… I chuckled inwardly ’cause that is the vehicle befitting my standard.

I looked back and realized mainly it was goods behind the only bench I sat in the bus, I exhaled lightly.
A driver and a man sat on the front seat…

Driver: I pity the man, em only cheat on his wife and she stab am to death.

Man: you call am only cheat?

Driver: yes na, em never reach for person to kill her husband. You reason am na.

Man: my tell you something, em get one time I been dey hear say my wife dey f–k another person, I no bother to ask if the rumour na truth or not. I just vex dey carry girls upadan, I no come dey reason my wife for bed as I dey get am from young blood. I return house one day, my pikin and wife I no see till now.

Driver: yeeee! Bros, na truth you dey talk?

Man: yes, no be joke.

I just busy myself with my thought, I had the urge to stop any form of double dating.
I did not even know who to choose among them, I got to my destination and tapped on the bus.

Driver: women dey reason after them don do sth finish, oga you wan come down? turning back at me

Me: yes, how much be your money? both of them start laughing

I knew the question I asked was a stupid one, one thing I realized is that women are driven by their emotions.
Never make her emotions go insane, I came down and find my way home.

On getting to my house, I saw Beauty car parked on my gate.
I realized it was Friday, I entered the gate and saw her sitted on my frontage. I wondered where Musa has gone to, Beauty stood up looking angry, she approached me and thundered my face with resounding slap, and the world stop rotating.

Beauty: you are alive, God! Who did this to you? she hug me tight

Me: I was kidnapped for days, am now fine.

We disengaged and I unlocked my apartment, we went inside.
I took my bath and she took me to the hospital,
After the doctor gave me treatment Beauty decided we should spend time in a beach.

Beauty: baby, you are yet to tell me who is behind your ordeal.

Me: I don’t know baby, let us just forget about it the last thing on my mind is to start another war

Beauty: here we are!!

We both came down from the car and locked hands, we went about chasing each other along the water line in the beach.
Beauty was a crazy twerker, as she asked me to sit on the sand and she moved what her mama gave to her like crazy.

We were tired after we exploit the bar and the City nightlife, we decided to go home.
She drove to my gate…

Beauty: do you know tomorrow is valentine?

Me: I exhale uneasily no, I don’t.

Beauty: now you know, you better get my gift ready.

Me: ma yes ma.

Beauty: I love you.

Me: I love you more we kiss slowly are you not coming in?

She shook her head and we said ‘goodnight’, and she drove out. My heart was heavy, I had the idea that Beauty has find another lover, maybe is because she just avoided having s*x with me.
I went home and took my bath, then jumped on my long missed bed and slept off like baby.

Hopeful to wake up as giant until a loud bang on my protector woke me up, I stood up ready to pounce on the fool behind the protector until I saw that the fool was also ready to pounce and devour anybody he is going to see.
I saw Ada husband dressed like a wrestler behind the protector breathing coal and fire.

Me: Sam, good morning.

Sam: what is good about the morning, where is your brother? sb pikin cannot take holiday from problem


Toto Pass Toto (18+) -Episode 37
Me: you see my brother?
Sam: you think am joking, right?
Me: you think am joking, right!
Sam: he boil in anger open this protector!! * shaking the protector*
Me: I dey craze? In case, you see my bro. Tell am say make em bring my wristwatch, thank you.
Sam: I will show you and your brother shouting on top of his voice
I just left him out side there, and went to lay on my bed. After several minutes of fruitless ranting behind the protector, he left.
I exhaled, is very tiring facing all these temptation successively, I took my phone and dialed my brother’s number, he picked in the second ring.
Me: wetin you do Ada husband?
Victory: nothing oh, Ada and her husband dey quarrel. Na so she tell her husband that he is not a man, say em nofit handle am the way I handle am.
Me: Jesus Christ! Hope say you dey prison now?
Victory: for where? I just park my things immediately, twuama… No joy oh!
Me: the man dey fine you oh, come with my watch too. When you dey come fight the last fight.
Victory: last fight ke, my two lmegs nodey near that compound again oh, ehnn.. The watch fit me well, just fashy am na.
Me: so who you keep to fight your last fight for you?
Victory: that man nofit do anything.
Me: for there you dey?
Victory: fear not, no mother force.
Me: before somebody mother force you, just carry my watch jeje come Biggy house, so that I go come collect am.
I ended the call immediately ’cause of an incoming call from Abigail, I picked the call immediately.
Me: baby, my love.
Abigail: ……
Me: hello hello…
She ended the call, I called her thrice but she did not pick and I exclaimed like a madman when I saw my phone calendar that it is February 14.
I quickly ran into the bathroom and took my bath, dress up quickly.
Wore a cap ’cause I could not comb my hair, no time to do that.
I flagged down a taxi and went for shopping, I bought a gold ring with almost all my savings.
And one leg chain, with a pair of heart necklace.
And a sorry frame, the write up was cool that is why I bought it.
After I was done buying everything, those guys that are double dating are trying oh! Is not easy.
I went home and hide everything, my plan was to breakup with Abigail and propose to Beauty.
Please adjust your face, I have repented. Am now ready to marry with body and soul, am not sure of one part of the body oh!
A knock landed on my protector, I was praying it should be Abigail and I will sin no more.
Luckily for me she was the one knocking, she was not looking happy but she still look effortlessly beautiful, some creature are just cheat.
I open the protector and let her in, she didn’t say a word, she just went inside the room hugging her handbag.
I locked the protector and went after her, she sat on my bed without saying a word.
I went to were I hid those things I bought and brought out the frame, I held it for her to read, she beamed after reading it.
Me: happy lovers day, am sorry Sweet. Please forgive me.
Abigail: aww.. Vic, am not upset. I was just worried, your phone have been switched off for days, what happe…
I shut her up with a kiss, I sck on her lower lips and she sck on my upper lips, I nudged her teeth open with my tongue.
And she granted me access, my tongue roam with joy in her mouth as she maned into my mouth.
The most sensitive part in Abigail’s body is her lips, while Beauty is her p
ssy. If you are looking for my own, don’t bother is my dck.
Everyone has that sensitive spot, I always make sure I find it in my partner.
We disengaged from the kiss, struggling to catch our breathe.
I brought out the double pair of heart necklace and gave it to her.
It was not costly but beautiful, she brought the two out and grinned from ear to ear.
Abigail: umhumm.. You are so sweet!
Me: na em make you love me.
Abigail: see your mouth, have this.
I took one part from her and wore, while she wore the other.
Abigail: as long as you have that on you, you will always have my heart.
Me: me too *I become confuse

Abigail: why are you sad? I carry her up and we both land on the bed
Me: I wan do, let us do na!
Abigail: lemme joor! Am not doing anything.
Me: please na, lets us do na.
Abigail: crazy boyfriend, in the night. Am going back to work.
Me: only small na she start laughing
We became quiet, her head was on my chest as I place my hand on her back.
We were both silent, as we enjoy the feel of our skins on each other, her phone rang disrupting the lovely since.
Abigail: am on my way, sir! the call end I have to go, without this training I will not be allowed to practice.
Me: I understand…
She peck me and dropped something on the bed…
Abigail: open it when am outside.
Me: no problem, ma!
She left and that is what oyigbo people call unsuccessful break up, i opened the parcel and I lost my voice.
Me: thank you, Jesus!
I screamed when I regained my voice, inside the parcel is an appointment letter as a manager of one of the branch of another soap industry.
I ran mad with happiness, as I kept on jumping on my bed shouting thank you Jesus.
My phone rang disrupting the jubilation…
Beauty; meet me outside now!
And the call ended, My heart started beating very fast, have they met each other.
Has someone told Beauty about Abigail, my heart was heavy as the happiness lost it taste.
I wore my clothe slowly, and went out through the gate with heavy legs.
I met Beauty standing outside smiling with a car key hanging in betwixt her thumbs.
Me: issa lie!
Beauty: no lies baby, is your car.
I went round the car inspecting it like one of the seven wonders of the world, Sam and three policemen approached the scene.
Sam: officer, here is the rapist, that raped my wife with his brother pointing at me
Policeman1: youngman, you are under arrest.
The devil is a liar!

Toto Pass Toto (18+) -Episode 38
Three of them went at me gingerly, as the one with handcuffs stretched it out to me.
I looked at Sam with disdain, I knew he had written a lot of lies in his statement and Nigeria police is first to report, is on the side of justice.
Beauty: if anyone of you dare lay your filthy hands on him, you are good as jobless. everyone is surprise, but me… Am electrocuted
Sam: wetin ona dey wait for? Drag this idiot! Inside van he yell
Police officer2: madam, who you be to thwart justice?
Police officer3: please, who are you?
Beauty: do you care to ask Ahmed Mohammed that question? she start tapping her screen angrily
Police officer1: we dey craze!? We are sorry ma.
Sam: I just showed you a rapist.
Police officer2: oga shut up! Do you want us to arrest you? trust NPF
Sam: for what! He raped my wife!!
Police officer3: did he rape you? Na you em rape?! Ona go just dey buy market.
Police officer1: nothing do you boss, happy raping.
Me: officer of the law, twenty one bullets. Sir! Yes, sir!! I salute
The police officers left Sam standing, he boiled in anger as he gave me a hard look.
I could not help the laughter building up in my stomach, I just had to cover my mouth and started laughing.
Sam: we shall see he left us
Me: we be neighbour I laugh out loud
Beauty: Victor!! she call my name angrily
Me: yes, ma!! I carry her bridal style I love her! I scream on top of my voice
Beauty: carry me down, mad boyfriend.
Me: and you are blushing oh! Girls and shakara.
I did not drop her, she hid her face on my chest as I carried her inside the yard.
Musa stood on his duty post, one hand on his waist and the other held radio to his ear.
Musa: kai! Marriage!!
Me: you are invited. and the idiot start following me
I just open my protector and carried her inside, then locked the protector. Musa stood outside scratching his head, he wants to use his Hausa dck to shift my girlfriend womb.
I threw Beauty on the bed and she landed safely.
Beauty: naughty boy *giggling

Me: you are so heavy with all these your endowment, reduce the nyash small before you ’cause traffick. she start laughing
I removed my shirt and threw it, I pulled off my belt and my trouser dropped from my waist, I kicked it off from my legs.
My semi-eret dck led to the place I hid the leg chain, I brought it out and climbed the bed.
I took Beauty left leg and moved my lips on it, till I got to a spot she maned, if I told you her sensitive spot is in her pssy, I was only joking oh!
I wore the leg chain on her very beautiful left leg, and laid beside her on the bed.
Beauty: how did you know? I chuckle
Me: when we had sx, you love rubbing your left leg on me.
Beauty: you are such a bad boy.
I placed my lips on her’s, and she accepted me wholeheartedly.
I used the tip of my finger to move her gown up to her laps,
Her breathe became hot as I grabbed her *ss and kissed her neck.
Beauty: stop please, am not in the mood *I become surprise

Me: okay.
I stood up angrily on the bed and started wearing my trouser, she sat on the bed and started looking at me remorsefully.
Beauty: baby, am sorry.
Me: okay.
Beauty: baby, are you upset with me?
Me: why won’t I? I have been sx starved by my girlfriends, you have been refusing me. *she look at me intently
Beauty: you just said girlfriends.
Me: you heard wrong, are you now having sx with someone else?
Beauty: d–n! You are such a jealous ass, am not! C’mon, is just you and you know it.
She stood up from the bed and crossed her hands around my neck, she is just too pretty. My anger just vanished.
Me: I don’t know.
Beauty: am sorry, let me explain. Am on my P *she start giggling

Me: you would have told me.
Beauty: I just did her laughter sound pleasing to the ears
I disappeared to the bathroom and peed to relief my dck, I took the ring box I hid in there and dropped it in my pocket.
I exhaled and checked myself in the mirror.
Me: am now a man *I said proudly

Beauty: is your dck refusing you to come out?
Me: am coming *she is now watching the TV

I sat on the sofa with her, I placed her both legs on me.
She loves it, she just enjoy attention on her pretty legs.
Me: baby, what do you think of marriage?
Beauty: is a cool thing she replied disinterestedly
Me: I mean, what will be your reaction if you are asked to marry sooner than later?
Beauty: God, am not ready for that. I don’t want to be mom yet, or mrs anybody for now… Umhh.. Why do you ask? I feel the ring on my pocket

Toto Pass Toto (18+) -Episode 39
Me: is just one of my female friend, she is just like you. She rejected a marriage proposal.
Beauty: okay oh! Baby, I want to go… You know I will be travelling tomorrow, am feeling not too well.
Me: no problem.
I stood up and she shifted her gown properly, I was not happy but I have to mask it with a smile.
I walked her to the gate, and she insisted I escort her to her car.
Beauty: baby are you mad at me? she cross her hands around my waist
Me: no na, I nodey vex.
Beauty: stop speaking vernacular she rest her head on my shoulder
Me: I feel uncomfortable people are looking at us.
Beauty: who cares aunty, I care oh!
She left afterwards after insisting we had a kiss in the open street, I felt uncomfortable with the open romance ’cause of street radios without battery, I went inside quickly and had my bath.
Used my most expensive perfume, wore my best outfit came out of the house looking like a young billionaire.
I had that feeling of flying, I couldn’t be walking with what am wearing.
I entered my car and drove to Biggy’s house, playing Reekado Banks Oluwa ni.
When I got to the compound I increased the volume of the song and stopped, people start coming out of the yard.
Immediately I came down all of them were surprised, they could not believe their eyes, I prayed they should go blind since they refused to see my success, lol.
Children: uncle Victor! Oga Victor!! Uncle Victor!!! the children start hailing me, running round the car
Albino: booo!! she shouted and start running to hug me
Me: calm down, em never reach hug level. I dodge fah, I cannot hug poverty with my richman clothe
Albino: see you, the car fine. Na outing sure pass oh.
Me: I go soon come back to take ona outing, what of Biggy?
Biggy came out with just boxer and a shirt flogged on his shoulder, I was suspecting him of shifting pant.
Biggy: Victor, na your car be this?
Me: no jokes, say no to trekkers association.
Papa Jo: what prompted this uncalled merry-go-round of noise, is insanity now the order of the day? coming out of the yard
Me: Biggy, na new car. Why you dey inspect am like wicked village elder? I drag him off from the car
Biggy: na wa for you oh! You no get joy oh!!
Voices: all these your grammar never give you car, dey blow blow big big grammar for poverty.
Papa Jo: what are all these demented discombobulated homo sapiens are saying? Vic my boy, you are now a man he start walking towards me
Me: Biggy, my reach somewhere, I dey come. Call my brother, we dey go outing this night all of us.
Biggy: for sure, even if na land of death you go, the outing no go fit cancel.
Me: me wey still get extra one thousand years to live, if you dey plan to inherit this car, foul!
I entered the car and ignited the engine ignoring the grammatical man wave for me to stop, I felt good to be celebrated.
It only happened once in my graduation time, the huge smile on my face could not leave as I journey to were Abigail is to show how grateful I am for the unexpected promotion and salary.
I wondered why heaven decided to bless a sinner like me, I just shook my head and whistled a praise song.
Just along the express road a policeman stopped me, I was surprised because it is not a checking point.
I have heard activities of policemen on the road, with lots of checking points place in between a little distance taxing drivers.
I came prepared with all the necessary papers, I will not give them a dine, I was prepared to stand under the sun showing them my papers.
Me: hope no problem, officer.
Police man: just help me drop me for front.
Me: no wahala enter.
He hurriedly entered the back seat, I became suspicious.
I did not stop watching every of his moves on the rearview, he sat uneasily as he wiggled on the seat silently.
Just few kilometres was the first checking point…
Police man: drop me here.
Me: here na bush bush.
Police man: no worry, shit dey catch me.
He came down and I ignited the engine, I set the car in motion, I did not take off immediately.
I still maintained a close watch on him through the side mirror, I saw him making call and then n’ there I felt something is fishy.
I parked immediately and checked the back seat, I saw a pistol on the backseat, very close to the car door.
I did the cross sign and took the gun, threw it inside the bush and drove off.
I have not gone far, when I was stopped in the first checking point.
All policemen stationed in the checking point were on full stand, as I was ordered to park, unusual.
Me: officers, how may I help you?
Police officer 1: criminals dey pass this road well well, come down… We wan search your car.
Me: do I look like a criminal to you?
Police officer 2: them dey write am for face? Oga come down joor!!
I came down from the car and followed them closely during their search, I did not trust them at all and their next of action could land me in their claws.
I watched every of their movements, as they searched over an hour for the gun I threw in the bus already.
One of them shifted away from us and place a call…
Police man 3: we no see am oh, where you keep am?
He never knew I was listening, he ended the call with frown and they continued the search for more twenty minutes before they gave up.
All of them were sweating when they ended the search…
Police officer 4: we are sorry for the delay, hope you are not angry.
Me: no, am not * I dey mad! When ona dey suffer for ona sin*
Police officer 2: sorry sir, we are just doing our job I shake my head and enter my car, ignite the engine
Police officer: we make mistake for the car. they are just confusing angels of blessing
The drive was a smooth one all the way, I find myself in a gigantic hospital and I called my love Abigail, don’t worry I have two love. My heart is big enough to accommodate two people and even remain one vacant flat, in case you wan follow. Lol..
Me: am at your place of work.
Abigail: you are joking right?
Me: joke ke, I dey ona parking lot, joor!!
She screamed happily, I just had to end the call before I go deaf.
She came out dressed like a doctor beaming more than the evening sun, she ran into my arms and I hugged her passionately, like am about to loose her.
Abigail: this one you are here, let me entertain you with vitamin C.
Me: I pinch her bumbum you no well.
Abigail: am not on break oh, this people want to kill me.
Me: I just wan see you, tell you thank you for what you did for me.
Abigail: umh… Is nothing, I wish I can do more.
Me: see your mouth, umh… What do you think about marriage now?
Abigail: woow! That is the best thing that will ever happen to me, I want to marry someone I will love and cherish, and the person will also cherish me… Who has this car? gba! Gba!! Gba!!!

Toto Pass Toto (18+) -Episode 40

Me: erm… erm… erm.. I start scratching my head
Abigail: which one is erm.. erm.., is erm.. erm.. the answer to what I asked? she twist her face in a funny way
Me: I start laughing guess… this girl sabi ask jamb questions
Abigail: I shou… her phone start ringing, she check on it Sweet, emergency, I have to go.
Me: no na, darling I want you to stay with me please do, biko
Abigail: I should ignore my boss for you? I will do it if that is what you want.
Me: you sef ehn.. You can be unromantic sometime, we will see when you are free, don’t work and forget my birthday oh!
Abigail: never, I will buy you moimoi as your birthday gift she start laughing
Me: stop that! is not funny!! I fume pretentiously
Abigail: sure sir! she salute, and we both start laughing
Her phone rang again she pecked me and hurried off promising to call later, I exhaled the breathe of uneasiness I was holding.
Abigail eyes were piercing through my body to my soul, I have never in my life ran out of lies the way I did.
I entered my car and drove out with the thought of arranging a super good lie, I went to Biggy’s house and met Biggy with Victory waiting impatiently, with Albino sitting on my twin brother laps.
Biggy: na wa oh, we don wait tire, the flexing don loose taste sef.
Me: since em don sour, my carry am go back?
Victory: no think am…
Biggy: sha… We dey chop sour soup for Naija, after adding oil and maggi.
Albino: I cannot wait to chew chicken and shake my bumbum.
Me: no be chicken you dey anticipate to chew oh, na money. So calm down.
Biggy: we dey waste time, make we dey go.
We went out together, as Victory and Albino were busy doing lovey-dovey behind us.
Biggy was moving very fast, I observed hunger is the reason for it.
Me: no be eatery we dey go oh! he turn
Biggy: na where we dey go?
Me: bar, I resemble your father. No think am oh, I nodey craze carry you go where you go eat oh!
Biggy: shey na hotel at least, make we faggy am well.
Me: which hotel? I resemble Dangote? Guy, calm down oh! Na local bar.
Biggy: your father be wan call you Stingy but one Village elder confuse am, half bread is better than none.
Me: em be like na half bottle of beer you go drink oh.
Biggy: make ona stop all these love put legs for ground, before your brother go change mind.
Albino: baby, someone is jealous.
Biggy: for your BB?
Victory: wetin be BB? No mistake me for your grandfather oh.
Abigail: he is jealous of your cuteness baby.
Biggy: you and your broke boyfriend waka na, we go leave ona go oh!
We all took our seats in the car, Biggy sat on the front with me while the two lovebirds sat at the back, acting like we are their drivers,
I got a glimpse of the watch my brother was wearing and realised I am the rightful owner.
Biggy: start this car, or you go waste time for driving school?
Me: my watch first.
Biggy: old woman piss for your eyes, where you see your watch for my hand?
Me: na my brother dey wear am.
Biggy: ooohhh! Ona go come down oh!! Victory, give am em watch make we proceed na!!!
Albino: baby, I thought you said you are the owner of the watch you are wearing ehnn.. My watch, wonderful!, you don’t mean it!!
Victory: is me na, they are just firing catapult of envy, let me just dash them so that they will leave us alone to enjoy.
Biggy: dey there, dey deceive yourself and heavenly blessings.
I took my watch and wore it, it felt good like the way prodigal father felt when his son returned, I ignite the engine and we set out on our way.
Biggy was pointing all parts of the widescreen, giving me directions and pointing to bars we should stop. I rejected them all, I settled with the one that things will be less expensive.
Biggy: na shrine or bar be this?
Me: are we joking here, na here my money fit afford.
We did not observe the back seat, the two lovebirds were pleasuring each other, without us knowing.
Me: make my car no smell oh! Ona go wash car till ona separate Paul from Barnabas.
Albino: are we there?
Me: no oh! We are here, make ona two come down.
I could not stop laughing in my mind with the way they were reacting when they saw the bar, I find it some days ago while I was coming out of Tracy prison, I guessed everything will be cheap ’cause it is in a remote part of the City.
Were people hardly have money to spend on leisure, the owner of the shop which was a woman was smiling like she saw a Messiah when we entered her bar.
Old songs were playing from the speaker, the ones that were trending when I was still struggling to crawl. And the design was really local, with flowers positioned in the corners. I was intrigue by their reactions, I took my seat a plastic chair.
Me: order! The bills is on me, do you know a secret, am a rich nigga.
Biggy: madam, which type of pepper soup you get?
Madam: goat meat pepper soup, and ishi ewu pepper soup dey.
Biggy: two plates of goat meat pepper soup, you get fufu bah?
Madam: which type of fufu you dey fine, soft one or strong one.
Biggy: soft one, bring one bottle of water and two bottles of beer, my use am digest the food.
Me: na for which belle you wan put all those things you dey call?
Biggy: my own, or em complain to you?
Madam: oga na all? You no go add am small cow meats to finish work?
Biggy: you sabi, add am abeg.
Madam: shey na marching ground you dey like?
Biggy: you go the school of goat meat.
Madam: na my work be that, fine girl. You and your boyfriend no go collect something? I eye the woman
Albino: I wa…
Victory: just get us five bottles of beer, and two plates of goat meat pepper soup after he was done, he cross his hand on Albino’s shoulder. Like he is the one paying
Me: all the heaven and Earth you mention, na just?
Madam: oga kpatakpata, wetin you go collect?
Me: I don lose my appetite, bring pure water for me.
Madam: oga fine am oh, life short oh! Enjoy yourself.
She brought all their orders and served me sachet of pure, Biggy was consuming what he ordered like he has not tasted delicious meal as such like that.
Albino and Victory were eating and laughing to God knows what kind of joke my twin brother was cracking, mere watching Biggy it made me salivate.
My stomach grumbled and I had no choice but to place an order…
Me: madam, one bottle of beer.
Madam: I dey bring am come.
Me: she drop it on the table before me yowa! This one cold well well..
Madam: my bring a plate of goat meat pepper soup, add for more you know?
Me: yes, rush go bring.
I opened the bottle of beer and started consuming, it occur to me we didn’t ask of the price of what we are were consuming.
She walked to my table with the plate of goat meat pepper soup in hand…
Me: madam, so a plate na how much?
Madam: one thousand naira the beer in my mouth become so bitter that I have to spill it
Me: one wetin?

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Mr Noni

The loyal guy from another planet, Whom always get what he always asked for. || Professional Blogger || The Main Man Behind concept.

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