Story: Toto Pass Toto (18+)… Episode 5&6
Me: I no know o we walked to my door and saw my landlord sitted
Me & Biggy: good evening, sir * he stood up from the chair*
Oga Landlord: I don turn sir, I no be oga landlord again? wey my money?
Me: I go com… I scratched my head, I have promised him that yesterday
Me: my bring the money.
I unlocked my room and switched on the light, brought out all the money under my bed.
I didn’t need to count it ’cause I know it is eighteen thousand naira, I gave it to him. He spits on his thumbs rubbed it together and started counting the naira bills in his hands.
Oga Landlord: why eighteen thousand naira? I scratch my head nervously
Me: I never do withdrawal, when I do I go come your house, what of my receipt?
He brought out a pen and receipt booklet from his pocket, and tore a piece from it. Wrote my payment details on it and handed it over to me, I glanced through it. Two Months extra to pay for my rent before it will expire again.
Oga Landlord: I nodey do bonanza again oh, if your rent expire all those burial excuses you dey give no go change my mind. I go park you and poverty commot from my yard.
Me: I don hear, goodnight.
He left, I and Biggy went inside and ate, I brought out my best corporate wear and my black Italian shoe that I bought with my life savings, I was busy polishing the shoe while Biggy was chatting. When I was done with the shoe, I plugged the iron and started ironing my church wears.
Biggy: wetin happen? you wan look responsible go witches and wizards confederal meeting?
Me: wetin be the color of your problem, make thunder with seven sounds no descend on you there, you no know say tomorrow na church.
Biggy: I know, but two of us know say Angels wey dey handle registrar dey always mark us absence in advance, wetin differentiate you from juju man be say you no get shrine.
Me: I no get your time I started whistling
Biggy: I…. He beamed as video call came in
After sometime I raised my head from the ironing and saw Biggy almost n+ked, his boxer have been pulled to his legs.
Me: o boy, no c+m for that bed oh.
He didn’t reply, he only moved his naked self and his android, to a corner of the house doing video call s+x chat.
I slept off while he was busy m+sturbating and video calling naked, otondo. I was determined to be the first person to be in church next day.
Ring tone: if I die young Biggy’s phone rang in my dream
I woke up and saw the wall clock, 9:30am.
Me: demonic sleep!! I cursed
Biggy was on the phone, the place he slept was wet with his sweat.
Biggy: my love, good morning.
Voice: baby, I missed you, you promised me ten thousand naira but you haven’t sent it.
Biggy: you know I love you so much, I’ll send it to you.
Voice: if you don’t send it today, I know you don’t love me. Bye!!
The call ended, and Biggy turned to me with one look that says ‘please help me with 10k’
Me: if I give you revival slap, your brain and heart go go back to factory resetting.
Biggy: abeg na, you know say you be my guy. I love this babe die, na the girl I wan marry.
Me: you no wan marry Sophia again, wetin be this one name again, polygamous boyfriend?
Biggy: her name na Sandra, she fine well well fair and tall, come get big nyash and moderate br+asts, she be 300L student and she be virgin.
Me: descriptor! You be the biggest mumu, in fact na your picture them go put to define M-U-M-U for dictionary, you never f+ck the girl?
Biggy: yes, she be virgin. She talk say after our marriage, she go give me her virginity.
Me: which university babe wan marry jobless man? Catfish dey swim for your brain, how much you don spend for the babe body?
Biggy: about 200k, I love Sandra, bro. I had headache immediately
Me: you be maga, no wonder you dey sweat like Christmas goat, chaaiii!! You don f+nger the girl to confirm say na virgin? she dey torment you for dream and reality. I don leave church matter today, make we go see the babe.
I was able to convince Biggy that I will give him the ten thousand naira if we visit the girl, he followed me reluctantly after we were done preparing. We dropped from the bike in a fence house, since Biggy is known to have a girlfriend in the yard, the gateman let us in, when we got to the self-contain that Biggy’s girlfriend was living in. We were about to knock, when i heard funny sounds.
Female voice: aaaahhh.. ya ya!! F+ck me h+rder baby!!!
Manly voice: aaahh! you are riding me go… Oohh!! Loud sounds of skin slapping at each other
Biggy wanted to knock, I grabbed his hand.
Me: your sense dey pain you, you nodey hear the m+aning?
Biggy: she dey watch p–n I laughed
Me: your body system no wan believe your ear, somebody dey inside dey f+ck your virgin vampire wey don suck all your blood. the m+aning and gr+aning becomes louder
Biggy: na lie, she dey watch p+rn. Na my opportunity to disvirgin her I started laughing
Me: that p+rn she dey watch go be HD live, make we go check window.
After some persuasion he agreed, luckily for us her apartment is closed to the fence. Biggy has started sweating already, we went to the corner of the apartment.
Her window was facing the fence, we peeped and saw inside.
Sandra was the face we saw directly from the window, since she was on top of the man beneath. The curtail didn’t let us see more, we only saw her face down to her cleavage, but couldn’t see her br+asts.
Her eyes were shut as she rode the man beneath with so much energy, the man was already saying a lot of nonsense. Swear, the girl is a five star general on bed and off bed.
Manly voice: I l..o..ve yo..u, I..will cha..se m..y wife an..d ki..D’s
Biggy: S… I covered his mouth and dragged him out of the window
Me: you be the biggest otondo, no be only Virgin Sandra. she be virginity Sandra, if na so Virgin be. I better marry my grandmother.
Biggy: I nodey gree, I must disgrace this girl and that man today, I swear crying
Me: na only you oh, what if the man get muscles, you don already dey cry. The man go beat you, you know say I no get strength to help you fight. you will be beaten and disgraced to hospital laughing wickedly
Biggy: the thing no funny, that girl use me like typewriter.
Me: before! she for use you as laptop? cry no more son, I get plan. If you go fight now, we no go fit revenge. Son, let’s go home.
Biggy: son kill you there, this thing pain me.. I feel like crying.
Me: guy, you dey cry. Laughing
We left the yard, I now remembered that I should buy a new phone and buy condiments for soup at the front of the gate, I checked my pocket to feel the paper I wrote what I wanted to buy but felt nothing.
Biggy: wetin happen, why you dey mess with mouth? I eyed him
Me: I don forget the paper wey I take write those things wey I wan buy.
Biggy: forget about the scale of preference, even Nigeria nodey use their budget. You too stingy.
Me: polygamous boyfriend of virgin Sandra.
I ran as he chased me, we ran to the market because it is walkable from were we stood. I bought a new Android phone, then we browsed foodstuffs stores in the market. I bought cow meats and goat meats three hundred naira each, add it tilapia. Periwinkles and crayfish, with egusi soup. Since Biggy won’t eat too much ’cause of heartbreak, I’ll be the one eating everything.
I plugged the phone to charge, and prepared thick egusi soup. I made garri, Biggy was busy thinking.
Immediately, I dropped the bowl of water and a plate of soup with garri. Biggy rose and joined, the motion he used in swallowing the morsels of garri with soup could only be calculated with speedometer, his speed made me caught his hand.
Me: o boy na wetin happen? You nodey eat like person wey dey suffer for heartbreak?
Biggy: how person wey dey suffer for heartbreak dey eat? Chewing meats
Me: small small, you no suppose eat at all sef.. the girl break your heart, the girl wey you love so much, you even see am with your korokoro eyes.
Biggy: chaii.. na truth, the thing pain me. Sandra na me you suffer like this? Washing his hands
Me: add the 200k you spent on her too for your lamentation.
Three minutes later he joined me and used another motion that only wild cat family will understand the motion he swallowed garri morsels. After we were done eating, I switched on my phone and started downloading social media applications.
I logged in WhatsApp and saw Tracy online, my ex girlfriend. One day Tracy uploaded another’s boy picture while we were still dating and I confronted her, she sent a reply that almost made me rope myself.
‘shut up there! You are very useless, how much have you gave to me apart from all the s+x styles on Earth, with your useless manhood. I have break up with you, you don’t have future’
I almost commit suicide but the sweetness of revenge didn’t allow me, I later learnt that the boy dumped her, such is life.
Me: how much should I pay you for all the damages I ’caused your p+ssy? I typed and sent, my heart was beating fast, hope say this girl no go mention big money o
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